That notion pretty much sums up my existence. I feel like I am in constant state of day dreaming, and goal making. What will make my life better? What will make me happier? How can I make this world a better place? Shouldn't I have accomplished more by now? I don't think I will ever, ever find the right answer to any of these questions. And by looking ahead, I am failing to see the now.
So what I have I been doing in the last 8 months? Well, let me sum it up:
- I worked night shifts in a group home. I really loved the clients, and the experience but left because I was offered a day time position that paid significantly more.
- I then worked for an international staffing agency as an administrative assistant. After 6 months I realized that this position was not getting me any closer to my future goals.
- Resigned.
- I felt too stressed for the gym, and my work schedule didn't allow me to attend the classes that I love. I averaged 3 days a week for those 6 months. Sadly I probably needed the gym the most during that time.
- Tried early morning work outs; hated them. I never felt like I was properly fueled.
- I ate all the wrong foods. Aren't offices just the worst? A constant stream of treats, and pressure.
- Gained 10 pounds from working in said office.
- Drank beer all summer, washing it down with junk from the gas station.
- Did not lose that 10 pounds, but did not gain more (a small win considering all the beer consumption).
- Enrolled in the NASM personal training program. Finally, it only took two years of talking about it.
And that brings me to today. It's my 25th birthday. And I have never felt more lost. This last year was probably the most frustrating year of my life. I felt sad, helpless, nervous, overwhelmed, and hopeful. I am learning that being lost is a part of life. I truly believe everyone is blindly stumbling through life, hoping that they are doing it right.
Currently I am learning to embrace the uncertainty of life. I am learning not to care about what other people think. This task is most definitely the hardest challenge I will overcome in my lifetime. If I thought weight loss was hard, I was wrong. I have spent too much time guiding my life by what other people may think, and I am done. If the disaster that was my life this last year has taught me anything, it's to be grateful for what I have, and to do, act, dress, and live how I see best fit for my life.
So what's next? Well as I said 8 months ago (gosh does time fly), I want to give the blog a face lift. Losing weight doesn't define my life anymore. And it is not going to define my blog anymore. I don't obsess over the scale. I cannot measure, and track my food anymore. I cannot diet anymore. I try my hardest to be healthy (mentally and physically) but sometimes I stumble, and eat a whole bag of combos. It happens, and it's okay-the 7 layer combos are amazing, just saying.
This blog will still be aimed at weight loss (ahem, those 10 extra pounds I gained), but it will also be aimed at healthy living, weight training, and my overall daily struggles. So please be patient, and stick with me. I promise it will be worth it!
