12/17/13

December 17th, 2013. That was the last time that I wrote a blog post. That's about 8 months. 8 months with no posting, no update, no nothing. It doesn't feel like it has been that long. It's true that life is what happens while we are busy making other plans.

That notion pretty much sums up my existence. I feel like I am in constant state of day dreaming, and goal making. What will make my life better? What will make me happier? How can I make this world a better place? Shouldn't I have accomplished more by now? I don't think I will ever, ever find the right answer to any of these questions. And by looking ahead, I am failing to see the now.

So what I have I been doing in the last 8 months? Well, let me sum it up:

• I worked night shifts in a group home. I really loved the clients, and the experience but left because I was offered a day time position that paid significantly more. 
• I then worked for an international staffing agency as an administrative assistant. After 6 months I realized that this position was not getting me any closer to my future goals. 
• Resigned. 
• I felt too stressed for the gym, and my work schedule didn't allow me to attend the classes that I love. I averaged 3 days a week for those 6 months. Sadly I probably needed the gym the most during that time. 
• Tried early morning work outs; hated them. I never felt like I was properly fueled. 
• I ate all the wrong foods. Aren't offices just the worst? A constant stream of treats, and pressure. 
• Gained 10 pounds from working in said office. 
• Drank beer all summer, washing it down with junk from the gas station. 
• Did not lose that 10 pounds, but did not gain more (a small win considering all the beer consumption).
• Enrolled in the NASM personal training program. Finally, it only took two years of talking about it. 

And that brings me to today. It's my 25th birthday. And I have never felt more lost. This last year was probably the most frustrating year of my life. I felt sad, helpless, nervous, overwhelmed, and hopeful. I am learning that being lost is a part of life. I truly believe everyone is blindly stumbling through life, hoping that they are doing it right. 

Currently I am learning to embrace the uncertainty of life. I am learning not to care about what other people think. This task is most definitely the hardest challenge I will overcome in my lifetime. If I thought weight loss was hard, I was wrong. I have spent too much time guiding my life by what other people may think, and I am done. If the disaster that was my life this last year has taught me anything, it's to be grateful for what I have, and to do, act, dress, and live how I see best fit for my life. 

So what's next? Well as I said 8 months ago (gosh does time fly), I want to give the blog a face lift. Losing weight doesn't define my life anymore. And it is not going to define my blog anymore. I don't obsess over the scale. I cannot measure, and track my food anymore. I cannot diet anymore. I try my hardest to be healthy (mentally and physically) but sometimes I stumble, and eat a whole bag of combos. It happens, and it's okay-the 7 layer combos are amazing, just saying. 

This blog will still be aimed at weight loss (ahem, those 10 extra pounds I gained), but it will also be aimed at healthy living, weight training, and my overall daily struggles. So please be patient, and stick with me. I promise it will be worth it!