I Can't Handle It Anymore!

This has nothing to do with weight loss, or dieting, or exercise. This post is going to be a long winded rant and probably won't be worth reading. You've been warned. But I feel like I am losing my mind. I am at my breaking point. Seriously.

Oh, I should probably share the reason as to why I am about to lose my mind, huh? I am living out the real life Mouse Hunt movie. And I hate mice, well any rodent for that matter. The way they scurry just freaks me out. A lot.

Because I live in Minnesota, and because mice can apparently smell fear, this is not my first rodeo. I lived in this gross-ass college house during my senior year. We had lots of mice. Like colonies and families of mice. And the colonies basically lived in our kitchen and were brave little fuckers. They would eat anything and everything that was left out. They would chew through bags to eat bagels. And apparently the bagels did not satisfy them because they also would go after butter. Butter!

I wanted to be humane and live trap them, but I finally stepped up my game and bought poison when my roommate had a mouse crawl in her bed. . . while she was in it. Eww. I just got shivers thinking about that. Ick, ick, ICK!

Anyway, I am rambling. This situation was over 2 years ago and that is not why I am about to currently have a nervous break down. I have lived in the same apartment for a year and a half and for the first year, we had no mice. And then in September I saw our first mouse. And we keep getting more and more.

Between then and now I have purchased 4 traps, set out 3 boxes of poison, and plugged in my ultrasonic rodent repeller device that I owned from my previous mouse colony days. I know, I sound crazy and a little neurotic.

Recently my roommate found a dead mouse in her room, so the poison must be working. This is the same roommate who found the mouse in her bed before. Fortunately she isn't bothered by mice, and actually finds them to be cute. I don't get it.

After she found the dead one, we (read: my mother) decided that we (read: my roommate and I) couldn't live this way any longer. My mom bought tape to seal up all of the holes in our apartment caused by the 1950's style heating pipes. Her and my step dad also covered up all of the holes for us, which hopefully will keep them out! The only problem is that by covering up the entrances/exits, 2 mice were trapped inside my tiny, shoe box apartment. One died from poison and was found under the Christmas tree. Merry Christmas? The other one was reallllyyyy active.

And this is why I am losing my mind. I had to watch the poor mouse circle round and round in our apartment. At first I was freaking out, standing on chairs and squealing. I finally got used to the mice drank enough wine so I didn't care. So last week I spent my Friday and Saturday mouse hunting. Well, I wasn't exactly doing the capturing, but I was providing moral support and holding the flashlight, equally as important.

Now here is the frustrating part about living with mice; I watched the mouse eat peanut butter off of the snap trap.  And the trap didn't go off! It didn't work. It's faulty. I was pissed, not that I wanted to watch the mouse get smooshed into a trap, but seriously, I want this critter out of my life!

It has since died from the poison, I'm sure. The new problem; where is it? Where did it die? My tiny apartment must have a dead mouse someplace, but I can't find it. Admittedly, I am not looking very hard, as I would probably freak out if I actually found it. I am lucky to have a roommate who can handle shit like this. I would be screwed if I lived alone.

Anyway, this is the end of my rant. The hunt is almost over and luckily we haven't seen another live mouse. Although now my roommate and I are experiencing some PTSD and if something moves, we automatically think it's a mouse. If a piece of paper falls, it's a mouse. If a bobby pin drops, it's a mouse. If an earring catches the light, it's a mouse in your hair. If nothing at all moves, it's a mouse. I feel like I have the eyes of a hawk now. And what a valuable skill that is to have. I can put that one on a resume.

Skills: great at spotting mice. Or nothing at all but freaking out anyways. Whatever.

The Day Before Drinking

In the last 3 weekends I have only gone out once! One time! That is very unlike me. I don't know if it has to do with the cold weather, or the fact that I am aging, but my drinking has slowed down, significantly.

And you want to know the worst part? I have enjoyed my weekends spent at home. I think I am turning into a hermit! Help!

It has just been such a nice change of pace to wake up feeling hydrated, have the energy to go to the gym, and the willpower to avoid eating crap. But that was going to change last weekend. I had a holiday party planned for Saturday and I knew I would be binge drinking.

Since I didn't go out Friday, I woke up on Saturday and I was able to go to the gym for Step class, and Body Pump. Attending two 1 hour classes=Beast Mode.

Starting on Saturday morning I thought that I would do a blog post to show off what I ate throughout the day when preparing to drink most of my calories. The only problem is that I got pretty hammed on Saturday night. Like, holy shit-what happened-dancing machine-kind of drunk. This means that my diet plan didn't really work, and I probably should not serve as an inspiration, to anyone.

However I am still going to post some food ideas for planning a day of drinking that will be kind to your diet. But if you don't want to get completely tanked, then do not follow this diet. Or maybe just don't drink as much. Yeah, that is probably what I should have done.

After the gym I had a protein shake with 1 scoop of chocolate whey protein and a half scoop of soy vanilla protein. I blended it with frozen strawberries, a banana, a splash of orange juice, some ice and a little bit of water to get it moving. It wasn't the tastiest thing, but it did give me a blast of 35 grams of protein and clocked in at around 5 points.

Later when I got hungry again, I had 2 servings (read: 1/2 cup) of egg whites (2 points), with a frozen medley of vegetables (0 points), topped with 1/4 cup reduced fat cheddar cheese (1 point), and sriracha sauce (0 points). And on the side I had 1 slice of low carb bread (1 point) topped with smashed avocado (2 points) and more sriracha sauce. I may or may not be part of the sriracha cult.

And if you are too lazy to do the math, that is a meal for 6 points, 11 points so far for the day. Then I laid around, drinking water, and watching The Minday Project. I also had 1 cup of coffee with a splash of eggnog for 1 point, 12 points for the day. I could have skipped the egg nog, but I love it. A lot. 

A wise woman once told me that eating pancakes before going out is a good idea, because it will soak up all of the booze. So my roommate and I decided to try pancakes for dinner. Two pancakes with a few chocolate chips (6 points) and 2 tbsp of syrup (2 points) and a smear of fake peanut butter (1 point).

 
21 points total for the day, which left me with 10 extra points for drinking. Not to mention my 49 extra weekly points that I am allowed and usually save for the weekend. I also could have avoided putting avocado on my toast, egg nog in my coffee, and chocolate chips and fake peanut butter on my pancakes. This would have shaved off an extra 6 points, which roughly equals one alcoholic drink!

I am sad to report that the pancakes didn't really work. Although I have been told that I should have had more than 2 pancakes, but that would really defeat the purpose of dieting. I really should have just watched the amount of cocktails that I consumed. I am just used to drinking for a fat girl, but since losing weight my tolerance has gone wayyyy down! I am becoming a cheap date.

I woke up on Sunday and I felt like I had swallowed sand, my mouth was so dry, and my stomach was queasy. I am not as resilient as I used to be. That or my body was so used to being hungover that I didn't know what healthy felt like. Yikes!

Holiday Indulging

The holiday season is upon us, which tends to be a nightmare for most dieters, myself included. I feel like I could fall off the healthy eating wagon at any moment. That being said, I made it through Thanksgiving and actually lost 2 whole pounds! Although I am not sure how that happened because I let my inner fat girl take over for the day and eat anything she could get her hands on. But that was kind of my game plan going into the holiday; eat liberally on the actual holiday but then go back to healthy eating the next day.

This is also going to be my plan of attack for the whole holiday season. I am not going to think of Christmas as a month long extravaganza and use it as an excuse to stuff my face all month long and avoid the gym. Although that sounds wonderful.

But I think that is the reason that people tend to gain weight around the holidays. Somehow it gets justified to eat liberally from mid October until January 1st, and that is when the New Years resolutions start.

Today at work we had our holiday party. And I was nervous. There was a whole table dedicated to desserts. And I am happy to report that I successfully navigated the party without indulging (too much), and without binging. 

How did I manage to do this? Well...

1) I started off by placing a bowl on my plate, so that way my plate had less room for food. The bowl had vegetarian chili, and the rest of my plate had salad with non-fat balsamic dressing.

2) The next thing that I did was place myself at the end of a table, in the corner. This way it would be harder for me to get up and navigate my way back to the buffet table for seconds.

3) I chose my dessert selectively. I asked people what their favorite dish was and what was worth the calories. I tried a small bite of cake off of my coworkers plate and then I starred at all of the desserts, debating what would really be worth the calories. This part was hard. I needed to practice self control like no other. Finally I chose to have a brownie with salted caramel drizzled on top. At the end of the day a brownie is my all time favorite dessert and I knew I would not be disappointed. And it was to die for and totally worth it!

4) Lastly I evaluated my hunger level and decided that there was one more thing that I wanted to try, and that was a small dab of homemade macaroni and cheese. Which again, was good and worth it.

So this should be the part of the post that I post pictures of all of the foods that I avoided. However I didn't take any pictures. I didn't want to be that weird girl in front of 60+ people that was snapping pictures of the buffet line. But I will add some photos of me from last year compared to this year, because apparently losing weight and blogging has turned me into a complete narcissist. Enjoy!

Must.Have.Willpower.

Dieting is hard. Fighting food addiction is hard. Fighting food addiction when faced with some of your favorite foods is like a cruel form of Chinese torture. Now, as a fat girl in transition, I have a lot of favorite foods, which makes navigating life very, very difficult. We are faced with food choices all the time. I recently heard that we make around 200 food choices every day, and then found this article discussing the same finding.

200! That is incredible. It explains why I feel like I am always fighting the urge to binge. I always feel like I am minutes away from losing control of my eating. And certain things will trigger me to indulge. Some common emotions that will trigger me are: frustration, anger, stress, and sadness. I do eat when I am bored, but it's usually just nibbling or snacking. But when I am under stress/frustrated, everyone better look out! I simultaneously want nachos, french fries, brownies, cool whip, and Oreos. I am not kidding.

Nachos are a huge danger zone for me. If I am stressed at work, I want to go to a happy hour and stuff my face full of nachos. It's not pretty, and I should probably refrain from ever ordering nachos while on a date.

Recently (read: the last 3 days), Minneapolis has been a complete and utter nightmare for driving. On Sunday we got around a foot of snow, and the streets are haphazardly plowed. This makes my commute to the gym and work a complete shit show.

After being late for work on Monday and Tuesday, I finally thought that I had outsmarted the system and would try taking an earlier bus. Well, that didn't work, and I found myself waiting at a cold bus stop for 20 minutes and boarding the bus that I normally take. When I got to work I was pissed. So when I walked into the staff kitchen and saw Oreos, I was not happy. Especially when the pack of Oreos were ripped open and easily accessible. 

Side note: I am very weird, random, and selective about the sweets that I like and will actually indulge in. I love brownies, but don't like donuts. I love, LOVE Oreos, but I am not crazy about chocolate chip cookies, unless they are freshly baked. Who would really say no to fresh baked anything?

I literally stood in the kitchen, starring at the Oreos for probably a minute. I almost started shaking, I wanted to grab 5 cookies, shove them in my mouth and grab 5 more. It was bad. I felt like a heroin addict that was looking for the next fix. I finally broke eye contact with the container of cookies, stepped away and ran out of the kitchen.

Five minutes later I felt fine. I was glad that I did not binge on the cookies and I felt more in control. It's just so weird how my mind can go to such a dark place. If I would have thought to grab just 1 cookie, I would have grabbed more, and more. But that is what binging, emotions and triggers can do to me. Now, sitting here hours later, I could easily walk into the kitchen and not grab a cookie or even grab just 1 cookie and walk away.

I am in a constant battle with myself and my willpower. I am happy to say that today I won the battle! But tomorrow I might not be so lucky. It's our holiday work party and it will be a small miracle if I don't shove my face full of sugar.

No Excuses

Living in Minnesota is quite the adventure. The weather is always so unpredictable, and this morning was one of those days when it snowed, and snowed, and snowed. I think it is still snowing as I type this. And let me state that I do not enjoy snow. or winter, or cold. I hate it all, and should probably consider moving south.

This is what I woke up to: 

I easily could have allowed myself to stay indoors all day long, lounging in sweats, and watching movies.  I had already been to the gym 5 days this week, so I easily could have justified staying in. However my original plan for the weekend was to go to the gym both Saturday and Sunday. So, that is exactly what I did, I went to the gym. I did not use the weather as an excuse to avoid traveling. I manned up, strapped on my boots and braved the weather. My car slips and slides in this sort of weather, so my roommate volunteered to take her big, boat of a car.

There were more people at the gym then I was expecting to see, but I definitely didn't have to fight anyone to get an elliptical machine. But I did have to fight a few girls to get my hands on this:

Let me tell you, reading a magazine filled with the sexiest men of the year really helps kick up a workout. I was extremely motivated to work up a sweat when starring at hot man candy.

Now, this got me thinking all about excuses, justifications, validations, etc. Part of having that aha moment is giving up excuses and fighting for what you truly want. A justification for behavior is just an excuse in disguise. And if you allow yourself to keep making excuses, change will never happen. If you want it bad enough you will do it, if you don't, you will make an excuse.

I want to keep losing weight, so I was able to motivate myself to go the gym, even when I had to battle my way through the wind, and snow. And like always, I felt great after my workout. I was glad I went, I survived the weather and I made it to the gym 6 days this week (2nd week in a row that I have done that). Did you make it to the gym today? Or did you have an excuse?

This is the tundra that I apparently call home. 

Bye Bye Mayo, Hello Healthy

Today I had an aha moment while making my lunch. I was having a sandwich for lunch, which is not something I eat that often but for some reason today I was in the mood. Before I gave up eating meat I loved snacking on slices of lunch meat, so in order to keep protein in my diet I now snack on fake lunch meat. Tofurky slices, to be exact. Since I had some fake lunch meat on hand, I decided that a sandwich was calling my name.

Prior to my dieting days I would make all of my sandwiches with mayo, and a cheese slice. When I was even younger I thought that the best sandwich was made with white bread, mayo, cheddar cheese, and bologna. That makes me sound a little bit like white trash. Oh well, it's what I liked. Although now, the thought of white bread freaks me out, I can almost feel the bread sticking to the roof of my mouth!

Anyway, I love mayo on a sandwich, even an egg sandwich. I love sauces in general, it's wired in my brain that I need to have sauce on both sides of a sandwich. Back in my fat girl days I would put ranch on one slice of bread and mayo on the other. Go ahead, you can judge me. So today when making my sandwich I was trying to figure out what I could put on my sandwich, since I try to avoid ranch and mayo.

As I was riffling through my fridge I also realized that I did not have a slice of Weight Watchers cheese to put on my sandwich. And that is when I had my aha moment! I did not need cheese or mayo. I always tend to have Laughing Cow Cheese Spread on hand (or in this case Crystal Farms, since it was on sale) so I figured that I could just spread a wedge of the cheese onto one side of my sandwich. Which would take care of the naked side of bread AND solve my cheese problem.

I smeared a fourth of an avocado on the other slice of bread, added the meat, tomato and drizzled mustard all over the top. 

Low Carb Bread: 2 points (1 point per slice)
Tofurky Lunch Meat: 2 points
1/4 of an Avocado: 2 points
1 Cheese Wedge: 1 points
Mustard: 0 points
Sandwich Total: 7 points

I realize that this post may seem like I am taking my sandwich making skills a little too seriously (and I probably am). But that is what dieting and more specifically, that aha moment is all about. It's all about figuring out those little dieting tips that make healthy eating so much easier.