Feeling Alone

I think the reason that I love the weight loss blog world is because I feel like I can relate to people. In my real life I don't have anyone that I feel like I can relate with on my food addiction/obesity/binging.

I might not have food addiction, but there is so little research done on this topic that I think it is hard to say. I also might not officially be classified as a binger, but I am pretty damn close. The only thing that I can say for sure is that I was classified as obese.

In any case, I do not have anyone in my life that struggles as much as I do. I feel completely alone. A lot. And I feel people don't always take me seriously in how much I struggle. When I feel taunted by the smell of pizza, I think people think I am being over dramatic.

When I say that I need to attend the gym instead of going shopping after work, people think that I am just trying to blow them off.

I know the people around me get sick of my never ending whining about being fat. Because it has been a month since the scale has moved, I am so fucking frustrated right now. So my whining has gotten even worse. And I feel like I am going completely insane.

I am trying everything that I can think of. This past weekend I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted. I mean, I did not binge, but I did buy a frozen pizza, which I have not done in ages. I preplanned to eat fatty things.

It was not out of control binging and it is not something that I regret. I was even okay with gaining a pound or two because I was hoping that it was shock my metabolism into doing something. I just want to see the scale move again.

I currently just feel really defeated. And alone. I am struggling to remain sane. So in this moment I am going to try and focus on some non-scale victories. I do not want to fall into a slump.

1) Last night I was in a High Intensity Interval Training class, which is then followed by a Circuit class. It is hard work. The class started with around 30 people and only 12 remained at the end. It felt awesome to be one of those 12 people. To know that I have the endurance to make it through such a tough class was a really rewarding feeling.

2) Even though I ate really fatty things this weekend, I started out Monday morning eating healthy. It's soooo wonderful to know that I can have days where I eat poorly but I can wake up the next morning and jump right back into the healthy eating lifestyle. I honestly never thought that I would make it to this point in my life. I always thought that I would be a binge eater, but I am not.
 
So, now I am going to try my best to remain positive, and continue to work hard. And I really hope to see the scale moving again. Maybe I can try sweet talking the scale, beg, and plead with it!