We, We, We.

I have discussed my roommate in a previous post. She is one of my oldest and closest friends. She supports me and stands by me even when I am being bitchy and ornery about dieting. Sometimes I don't know why she sticks around.

Since I have started tracking my foods again this week my level of bitchiness is quite high. I seriously hate having to worry about food. 

Am I eating too much?

Is it worth the calories to add a fourth of a cup of cheese?

Are the measuring cups clean? I need to measure out my egg whites.

Did I eat enough to fuel my workout? But if I eat more, will I have enough points left for dinner?

It drives me bananas. 

I just want to eat intuitively, however my mind and body can't seem to agree on what that means. 

I realize this is totally a first world problem, but damn it sucks to have to worry about measuring out a half a cup of black beans. And then wonder if I should have skipped the black beans all together because I would've rather used my 2 points on something else. And it sucks even more when you live with someone who doesn't even give a second thought about adding cheese or black beans, to anything. 

What sucks even more is that lately I have been eating like her. Which has caused  me to gain weight. And it's not like she eats that poorly, but she just has more wiggle room than I do. She doesn't have to obsess over small things like black beans. Black beans for fuck sake! Dieting has turned me crazy.

Anyway, I have been trying to reflect on the reason why I have been eating more like my roommate and less like myself. And I think a major reason why has to do with a small little word, 'we.' 

Because my roommate and I spend so much time around each other, it's natural for her to say things like: 

"We went to the gym on Friday." 

"We had a late dinner." 

"We were craving ice cream last night." 

To most people this probably does not seem like a problem. But to me, it's a complete mind fuck. When she refers to us as a unit or a 'we,' I begin to think that I can do and eat the same things that she can. But sadly I can't.

I have to worry about things like buying chobani greek yogurt vs. yoplait greek yogurt (yoplait is lower in points, and sugar but chobani has more options and more protein). She has to worry about things like eating too many noodles in one sitting. I can't even eat noodles because they have too many carbs! 

So when she says things like: "We ate pretty well last week." I start unconsciously thinking, "yeah, I did eat pretty well last week." When in reality I ate more carbs, cheese, and beer than I probably should have. And because I am thinking that I ate pretty well last week I then continue to stuff my face with more carbs, cheese, and beer. 

Do you see why this whole 'we' word is a problem for me? Because I see her eating things, and still maintaining a small weight, I think that I can do that too. But she is not dieting. She is close to her ideal weight, so she doesn't have to worry about toning her calories down. In fact she has never even had to track calories. Frustrating, right?

Now I haven't quite figured out a solution to this problem. I have asked her to stop using the term 'we' but that's just a term that comes naturally to her. She has no idea that she is slowly mind fucking me into a fat oblivion.

And I am not going to ask her to watch her eating. She eats what is right for her body, and metabolism. Plus we do not need two angry dieting bitches under one roof. I provide enough bitchiness for the both of us.

I know I am not the only one with this problem. Couples experience this type of thing all the time. I can only hope that I will find a man who is calorie conscious, but I think that's irrationally wishful thinking on my part.

So now I must ask, what do you do when you are getting bad dieting influences from the people closest to you? Especially when they aren't purposefully trying to sway you off of your diet?

I get so frustrated when I think about dieting. Sometimes I wonder if I just want to cool it for awhile. My weight isn't moving regardless if I deprive myself or if I indulge. So, what's the answer? I need help!