Life Lately

I have been absent lately. Very absent. I am in process of converting my blog over to wordpress. But before I do that I am thinking of changing the name of the blog. Mostly because my domain name is taken, but also because I think it's time for the blog to receive a face lift. I started this blog to document weight loss. I haven't lost weight in a year, it's about time I reevaluate what it is I want to write about.

Anyway, I thought now would be a good time to reflect on life as of now. You know what question I hate the most? "What have you been up to lately?" I find it hard to answer, and when I can't think of anything I feel super boring. 

But recently The Fitnessista wrote a blog post with random updates, and I thought it was so clever so I am completely copying her post idea. Check out her original, and show her some love. She is probably my favorite blogger to follow. She is so real, knowledgeable, and creative. 

Needing: New boots. I need some new winter boots to keep me warm and dry. I was going to use rain boots, but they already broke.... Never mind the fact that they were only $10 from Kohls. 

Enjoying: The company of a friend who is in town for the week. 

Cooking: Pretty much nothing lately. Lot's of quick meals, like salads, yogurt, and far too many holiday sweets. Or ordering bar food to go because my roommate and I were really wanting to eat dinner braless in our PJs and most bars would look down upon that!

Drinking: Homemade mulled wine. 

Wanting: A heart rate monitor. And to win the lottery... One of these things is more likely to happen. 

Looking: At all the snow and wondering how I am going to remain sane for the next 3-5 months until spring arrives.

Hoping: That I can adjust to working an evening shift, or getting a day shift. I recently began a job that has me working from 3-11 and I am having the toughest time adjusting.

Making:  Life choices are a lot harder then anyone let on. Being an adult is overrated, liberating, and wonderful at the exact same time. 

Doing: My best to get to the gym. I am not a morning work out person. I can't eat or drink within about an hour of waking up, but if I don't eat before the gym then I feel really faint. And if I wait until I eat, then I feel full, and lethargic. Can't win.  Additionally I am just not jiving with any of the morning classes offered. 

Wishing: That I was taking a vacation this winter. All inclusive trip to Mexico, please! 

Wondering: What the future has in store for my siblings. I want them to enjoy their youth, but I cannot wait to find out what kind of adults they will be!

Loving: Food, more than I should. I am always, always focusing on my next meal. 

Feeling: Very fortunate lately. It's funny how awesome life can seem when you start counting your blessings, instead of focusing on the bad. Common knowledge, but I am experiencing it first hand. 

Thinking: That someday I want to be a business owner. I want to be the boss, and have minions. Or have an online business and make my own hours. 

Knowing:  That I will own my own business someday, because I tend to achieve what I want and work for. 

Following: The news for mlb trades and free agent updates.

Wearing: A lot of casual clothes because my job doesn't require dressing up. If only it were casual enough for me to wear pjs....how awesome would that be?

5 for Friday: Sexiest Men Edition

I'm assuming everyone has now seen that Adam Levine was crowned Sexiest Man Alive. And there is some drama surrounding this. Some women (and gays) think that Justin Timberlake deserved it more. I don't agree with either of these choices, so I figured I would create my own list of sexy men.

James Franco 

My ultimate Hollywood crush, without a doubt, is James Franco. I fell in love with him after Tristan and Isolde (if you haven't seen this movie you are missing out) and my love for him has only grown. He is handsome, talented, versatile in his roles, and intelligent. He is a film professor for Grad studies at UCLA, and is working on obtaining his Ph.D. I just adore him.

Joseph Gordon Levitt

Yes. Yes to alllllll of this. As a kid I had a crush on him when he was in Third Rock from the Sun. And I love him even more today. He has a great voice and loves to sing. He is just so damn cute, witty, and quirky. If you still need a reason to love Joseph Gordon Levitt, here are 42 reasons. 

Gilles Marini

Yum, yum, yummmm! He is such an attractive man, talented man. And he has an accent. Besides being sexy, he is French-American, served in the French Army before coming the America. He is just building his acting career, but I have enjoyed almost every single one of his roles, including his time on Dancing with the Stars.

Gabriel Macht 

Clearly I tend to be attracted to men with dark features, especially brunettes. But I don't discriminate, and I also love me some blondies. Gabriel Macht was in Because I Said So, he was such a hunk in that movie. Now he can be seen in the show Suits, and he is even more irresistible. 

And of course no list would be completed without: 

Ryan Gosling 

I have been a Ryan Gosling fan since day one. Before all of this "Hey Girl" stuff started, I still remember swooning over his character in Remember the Titans. And I still think that his best role was in The Notebook. His career only continues to grow, and gets hotter with every passing day. 

So now that I am all hot and bothered, it's your turn.... who makes your list of sexiest man alive? Do you agree with the Adam Levine choice? 

Link-Up! 

Butternut Squash for Lunch

I always envy those people who can just throw a bunch of ingredients together and have it turn into a gorgeous, delicious meal. My cooking style is very much about slopping shit together, which is exactly what it turns out to be, slop! It normally tastes good, but it doesn't always look very appetizing. 

Today I happened to throw some shit together and actually have it look appealing. It was easy, didn't take a lot of time, and was healthy. That is what we call a win! 

Ingredients:

prepackaged, cubed butternut squash

cherry tomatoes 

frozen spinach 

1 egg 

fresh parmesan cheese or whatever kind you like

salt and pepper 

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Open the bag of cubed butternut squash and throw them onto a baking sheet. Spray the squash with non-fat cooking oil and sprinkle salt and pepper on top. Put in oven for 20-30 minutes, or until they are starting to turn brown. I didn't have to flip or shake the pan, but you sure could to avoid the squash from sticking. 

2. Use cooking spray to coat a pan, and place over medium heat. Cut the tomatoes into thirds, and place the pieces into the pan. Throw in a few handfuls of frozen spinach and saute this mixture until the spinach is fully cooked. I had a lot of water left over in the pan, so I drained it out. 

3. Make an egg however you like. I love an egg that has a runny yolk, so I make mine over easy. 

4. Once the squash is done, place some into a bowl. Top the squash with the tomato/spinach mixture. Grate some fresh parmesan cheese on top, and then delicately place the egg on top. 

5. Pierce the egg to release the yolk, take some pictures (because you are so damn proud of how pretty it looks), and then stuff your face (this is the most important part)!

Volia!

I posted this picture to my intsagram because I was pleased as punch with the final result!

Next time I would add onion and garlic to make it even more delicious! Red chili pepper flakes and sriracha would also add a great kick!

Health Lesson: Butternut squash is a great vegetable to incorporate into your diet whenever you are getting bored with the same old vegetables. It's a total power food. It's low in calories, high in fiber and vitamin C, and contains potassium, magnesium, and calcium. This makes it a great immune booster, as well as an antioxidant. And if you are like me and hate chopping up a large squash, opt for the prepackaged bags that you can find at Trader Joe's, and most grocery stores (next to the salad bags). 

Family Bonding

Last week I was able to spend 5 days at home. And it was wonderful. Which is not usually the reaction that I have while staying in my hometown. It's not exactly my favorite place to be, but this time it was different. I have finally embraced the notion that home is wherever my family is. I would really love to move out of the tundra that is Minnesota, but I know I would miss my family. A lot.

I sort of have my own little modern family. My mom and dad were never married, and both got married to other people after I was born. My parents get along very well, which I appreciate. I never had to deal with a messy divorce, or choosing my favorite parent. My dad got married and had two additional children, which gave me a little sister and brother. My mom got married and never had any other children, but my step dad already had older children. Truly I have the best of both worlds, I am an only child, and have siblings. I have a set of living grandparents, and I am their only grandchild. I honestly couldn't ask for a better situation.

My dad and step mom divorced about 9 years ago, but remain close. My step mom had another daughter with someone else. I refer to her as my little sister's little sister (confused yet?), but I most definitely consider both my ex-step mom and my sister's sister a part of my family. Divorce means nothing to me or my family. It's not an end, it's just an adjustment.

While I was home I was able to reflect on how truly blessed that I am. I know this probably sounds corny, but I so rarely take the time to stop and count my blessings. After my trip I was left with chills at the thought of how outrageously in love I am with my family. I am proud of every single one of them. And I feel a connection to every single one of them. There is such power in having people in your life who will love you no matter what. And feeling the same love toward them.

Now is the time of year to be thankful. To count blessings. And to reflect on what we have, and not on what we need. I hope this post can serve as a reminder to really appreciate the people that you have in your life. Whether they are blood relatives, or the people you have chosen to be your family. Chose today to be the day that you send a message and remind them that you are thinking of them. A little sentiment can really go a long way!

Five Randoms

Five on Friday! Check out the link up! Today I am going to share five random things that you maybe don't know about me. 

[one]
I live for the perfect cup of coffee, but I am unable to make the perfect cup of coffee at home. I always end up making the coffee too strong, or not adding enough milk, or making it too sweet. But when I actually accomplish making the perfect cup of coffee there is really nothing better in this world.

[two]
Speaking of coffee, my favorite place to get coffee is from Dunkin Donuts (or Starbucks) but Minnesota doesn't have Dunks. Same goes for Jack in the Box, it's my favorite fast food, but we don't have this either. Stupid Midwest.

[three]
I always have a ton of tabs open, and I hate when I accidentally ex out a page, which happens a lot. I don't get mad easily, however this brings me some serious rage.

[four]
I don't like Christmas (I know, everyone loves Christmas, but I don't), but oddly enough I love Christmas music. It's weird, I can't explain it. Although I don't want to listen to it until December, please don't rush that shit.

[five]
I HAVE to sleep with sheets, top and fitted. Some people can sleep with just a comforter, but I NEED a top sheet or everything feels weird.

So tell me, where do you love getting coffee? Do you need to sleep with sheets? Or am I the only one?

Differences!

I may not have lost the amount of weight that I wanted to lose in the last year. But instead of feeling down on myself, or pretending that I tried my hardest, I want to keep focusing on the positive side of things. I want to focus on the differences from being fat, to being... less fat.

• I used to have a large open gap in my bath towel when I wrapped it around me, only a beach towel was big enough. Now I can easily wrap most bath towels around my body.
• When I used to sit on the bus, I was always uncomfortable sitting next to strangers because I felt too wide. And if a stranger wouldn't sit next to me I always assumed it was because I was taking up too much of the seat. Now when strangers don't sit next to me I know it's because I have a naturally resting bitch face. 
• I used to get winded when I would make my bed, when I was bigger making my bed was probably the most physical activity that I was getting. 
• I no longer get chub rub. And my shorts don't ride up when I walk. If I ever had to walk a long distance in the summer, I would always have to worry about chub rub, and most of the time I would plan to wear leggings, but now I don't even give wearing shorts a second thought. 
• I no longer take second helpings out of habit, I wait 20 minutes to decide if I am still hungry.
• Before when I would go shopping I would automatically look for the largest size clothes and see if there was something I liked. Now I look for clothes I LIKE first, then I look to see if it's in my size.
• When I was bigger I would hate wearing sweatshirts in public because I felt huge, and thought that I looked bigger than I actually was. Now I love wearing sweatshirts, especially fitted sweatshirts. 
• My fingers have gone down an entire ring size!
• My feet have slimmed down. I used to be a solid size 11 (that's some big feet), now I am able to fit into some size 10s.
• Even my neck has lost fat!
• When I sit down my stomach isn't resting on top of my thighs anymore. I still have a belly on me, but it's shrinking! 
• When I started yoga, I was unable to do child's pose, lunges, or eagle pose because my rolls would get in the way of having proper form. 
• I don't need as many layers to cover up my chub. Before I would layer like 3 different tank tops, a shirt, plus a sweater, but this is not the case anymore. Once I even wore a t-shirt without any tank underneath, it felt so weird.
• I feel more confident in myself. I like the way I look a lot better, but on top of that I feel more confident when I am working out. I am not afraid to try new work outs. My communication skills have even gotten better. Everything just feels better! 

Halloween 2010

Halloween 2013

Two Whole Years!

Today is my two year anniversary from the day that I started trying to lose weight. I got my gym membership on Halloween, which was a Monday. I had seen myself in pictures from a Halloween party that happened over the weekend. I was at work after I had seen these pictures, and the rest of the day I remember feeling extremely fat and uncomfortable. I still have the dress that I wore to work that day, I haven't worn it since, but I think I will always keep it as a reminder.

Last year I wrote a post about my year of weight loss. I loved writing that post because I felt so damn proud of myself. Last year when I wrote that post I could only imagine how different I was going to be this year. I imagined being so small. I imagined my belly fat gone, my arms toned, and my legs chiseled. I imagined so many things, except for what actually turned out.

I sit here today, and my weight has been in a plateau for 11 months. I am only about 10 pounds lighter than I was last year, which would mean that I lost most of the 10 pounds in November/December. And guess what? I don't care! I feel incredible! I am still damn proud of myself. I am the happiest that I can remember being in my whole life! Would I be happier if I was 20 pounds lighter? Maybe, but currently I am living in the moment, and being happy with what I have. What I have worked for. How far I've come.

I have learned a whole lot over the last year, being in a plateau has been somewhat of a blessing in disguise. I figured I would share some of the reasons as to why I am okay with where I am currently.

1) I have learned to be content. I think with weight loss people tend to constantly yearn for more. You hit your goal weight, and you still aren't happy so you look for something else that will make you happy. Losing more weight, getting a better set of abs, a smaller pant size, etc. But will losing more weight actually bring that happiness?

I think it's great to have goals, I have a lot of them, but I also think it's great to enjoy the journey. I have a lot of life ahead of me, a lot of time to continue losing weight, and maintaining weight. I decided to stop beating myself up, and enjoy the current body that I have, the body that I have already worked so hard to get, and continue to work for.

2) Maintenance is no longer scary. I was always afraid of what it would be like to maintain a weight. All I have ever known is gaining or losing. I have now maintained the same weight for 11 months.  This was not by choice because I hit the plateau, but I am glad it happened.

3) The scale does not define me. When I first started losing weight I needed the scale. I needed to know where I started and it was a good way to check progress, and keep me motivated. When I actively start trying to lose weight again I am sure I will go back to the scale. But for right now I avoid it. There are days when I feel thin and look thin, but then I get on the scale and see a number that I don't love and I no longer felt thin. I feel mad, sad, and disappointed. I can fluctuate 5 pounds and my jeans still fit the exact same way. So for now I avoid the scale and listen to my clothes, and the mirror.

4) I am healthy. For so long I equated skinny with healthy. It's totally not true. I know for a fact that my chubby, fitness loving, healthy eating body is healthier than a skinny, lazy, junk food eating body.

5) I can eat without driving myself bonkers. For the first 5 months of the plateau I was actively trying to lose weight. Counting calories, and going beast mode at the gym. I was doing everything I had always done but nothing was working. I tried switching things up, and still nothing was working.

I stopped actively trying to lose weight. I still have a healthy diet, and I consistently go to the gym, but I don't drive myself nuts anymore. Counting calories brings out the worst in me. I am ornery, mean, and short fused. Counting calories was straining my relationships. So instead of counting calories and not losing weight, I decided to eat intuitively and not lose weight. I love food, and now I can eat the foods that I love more freely, and without guilt.

6) I have found a love for fitness. I only started working out to lose weight. I am currently not losing weight, but I continue to go to the gym because I love it. Even though the scale says nothing is happening, I know that my body is changing. I have gained muscle, and endurance. Instead of focusing on the decreasing number of a pant size, or a scale, I now focus on the increasing number on dumbbells and reps.

I might lose more weight if I started running, but then I wouldn't love my gym time as much. I will spend 2 hours at the gym not because I have to, but because I want to attend a yoga class, and a step class. I think being in a plateau helped me figure out things that I like doing, rather than hating every exercise which would lead to a crash and burn. Instead of feeling pressured to go to the gym and attend a class I hate, I go and do what feels right.

When I set out on this journey to weight loss, I wasn't sure where it would take me. I didn't know if I was actually going to be able to stick with a diet. I didn't know if I would actually keep motivated at the gym. And I really didn't know if it was going to work. This may not be the journey that I originally envisioned, but it's mine and it's been a great two years.

I am happy. I like who I am, at this very moment. I like my body, my journey, and myself. Maybe losing more weight will bring me more happiness, maybe it won't. But right now, in this moment, I am content with my imperfect body, and I think that is all that any of us can ask for!

5 Simple Things!

It's Friday, Friday, gotta link-up on Friday!

I am currently on a very tight budget, this means that I am buying complete meals that come in packets, and only set me back $0.88.... Because I am on this budget, I have learned to appreciate the simple stuff, the stuff that maybe is not high quality, but I love anyway. So, I decided to dedicate my post to simple things that make me happy!

[one]
I love coffee from the gas station. I love gas stations in general; fountain pop, salty snacks, and tornadoes...what is not to love? If you have never had a tornado (it's like a mexican mozzarella stick), you need to get yourself to a Super America, now. Run, don't walk....or maybe drive, that's probably faster!

The best gas stations have like 4 full pots of hot coffee, 10 different flavors of creamer, flavored syrups, cappuccino, and marshmallows to put on top! Don't get me wrong, I am still a devoted follower in the Starbucks cult, but some days I just want a spruced up coffee from my local Super America!

[two]
I find Bud Light Lime or Blue Moon to be quality selections of beer. And Bud Light Platinum? Now you're living in the big time.

[three]
Papa John's pizza. Papa John's pizza is in my top 3 favorite pizza places. The other two are local to Minnesota, Rafferty's Pizza, and Pizza Luce. There is something about Papa John's pizza that I will always love. Maybe it's the crust, or maybe it's the garlic dipping sauce, I love it all. I am well aware that it's a cheaper type of pizza, but no matter how many authentic, great pizza's that I try, I will always come back to Papa John's.

[four]
I would be content if a date consisted of going to Taco Bell or Chipotle. Maybe Chipotle for the sheer fact that they make margaritas. Although I would also be content rolling through the Taco Bell drive thru, bringing the food home and making margaritas. After all, I do make a pretty good skinny marg.

[five]
This one has nothing to do with food, but it's simple and is inexpensive. Christmas lights. I love me some Christmas lights, all year round. We have three sets of Christmas lights scattered around our apartment, and I don't care what anyone thinks!

Running.

As you may have figured out by now, I have decided to do a series of posts dedicated to critiquing various exercises. I am not a personal trainer, so all of these posts will be my own opinions, and personal findings.
So far I have outlined:
Cycling
Row Machine
R.I.P.P.E.D. 
Yoga

Today is all about running.
Description: I am thinking I probably don't need to give a definition of running....

Duration: My personal best was 2 miles in twenty minutes. However you can run for as long or as short as your little heart desires!

Level of like (10) or dislike (0):  Probably like a 2. And that is being kind. I hate running. A lot. I have tried, and tried, and tried to like running. Not even just like running, but just tolerate running. I just can't seem to find my stride.

Sometimes it upsets me because I am so envious of people who can effortlessly run. I used to feel weak because I just couldn't enjoy running. But now I have stopped making myself do something that I don't enjoy. Plus I have found running to be really bad for my lower back, and knees. I still get in my cardio each week, and I work hard. Really hard. So now instead of hating every run, I enjoy my gym time so much more, which to me is really important for success.

Benefits: 
-It makes fat melt right off! Running provides more of a calorie burn than most cardio activities.
-It can be done anywhere. You don't need a gym, or a treadmill.
-There are tons of charity sponsored running events. Very rarely will you hear about a stepathon with all the money going to cancer research. But if there were a stepathon, I would totally do it!
-It helps with stress. Runners are always talking about using running as a way to clear the mind.

Advice for first timers: 
-Learn proper running technique.
-Find the right shoes. I used to run with tennis shoes not meant for running, and I got shin splints every time. Once I found a proper running shoe, it made it easier.
-Don't give up right away. It took me almost 2 years of trying before I finally decided that running was not my thing. However some people may find that running is for them. You just gotta try, and try.
-Constantly change your playlist. The only thing that kept me running was switching up my music. I use party music because it reminds me of partying, and wanting to look hot while partying. Pathetic? Yes. Motivating? Yes.

Adventures in Yoga: Some People

Let me tell you a little story about my yoga class yesterday. As of lately I have been attending a Vinyasa yoga class. Vinyasa is a broad term used to describe the act of flowing through poses, while connecting breath with the movements. It's a step above Hatha yoga, which is the beginning class that my gym offers, and it focuses more on the basic poses, and less on flowing between each pose.

Anyway, yesterday I went to class and everything started out just fine. Then 10 minutes after the class started some guy came in late. Now, I don't mind people coming to class a little late. 5-10 minutes, whatever, as long as you don't disrupt others. This is especially true if it is a yoga class, where the environment is quiet, and people are focusing on their breathing.

This guy however must have a very different idea of coming in late to class. He wore flip flops, and flopped his way across the class to get a mat. A mat that he then proceeded to drop down and allow to slap the floor.

Fine, I thought this would be the end of class disruptions. Nope, no such luck. 25 minutes after the class has started (the class is only 55 minutes long) a lady decides to come in. And again, this lady must have had a very different idea of coming to class late. She was wearing wind pants. Wind pants! Who the heck still wears wind pants?

So as I am in downward dog all I can hear is swish swish swish swish swish as she walks to get her mat. Then instead of actually participating in class she just sits on her mat, doing her own stretches and breathing so heavy that it almost sounds like she is snoring.

And of course the story does not end here. The instructor had us move into double pigeon pose, which requires the stacking of legs. It looks like this:

double pigeon

So as the instructor was explaining this pose, she compared the stacking of the legs to the stacking of lincoln logs. Then she said "well, if you all even know what lincoln logs are." The guy who came in late shouted (shouted!)  "I DO!!" and raised his hand. Dude, no shouting in a yoga class.

Finally we are approaching our last pose before the relaxation period, and a phone starts ringing. And whose phone do you suppose it was? The lady who came in 25 minutes late. But she doesn't realize it's her phone right away, so it rings and rings before wind pants finally swishes her way across the room to turn it off.  

So with all of the disruption I was looking forward to the relaxation portion of the class. I lay on my mat, close my eyes and try to focus on relaxing my body. When suddenly the lady in front of me has a coughing attack. She didn't cough throughout the entire class, but laying down must have triggered it. Her cough startled me, which then sent adrenaline running through my system. It felt like little needles poking my skin. Although I shouldn't be surprised anymore because the lady has coughed during relaxation for the last 3 class periods.

Needless to say it was not a calming class. I did not feel refreshed. I don't blame the coughing lady, because you can't exactly control that. And to the guy yelling in class, I am thinking he just had too much energy and should attend a kick boxing class or something. But to the lady that came in outrageously late, wearing wind pants, with a loud cell phone: you're on my list! 

5 on Friday!

It's Friday! 

It's time to link-up! 

I have found so many new blogs to read through this link-up, I love it!

[one]

Justin Verlander. I still have no desire for the Tigers to make it into the series. But damn, I sure enjoyed watching Justin Verlander. He is an incredible pitcher, and has been named one of the top 10 most powerful pitchers in baseball history.

And then there is Justin Verlander's back side.... A friend shared this tumblr page with me, and  I think I have found my version of online porn. Note: the website is not actually porn. It's work and child appropriate.

And if you still need a reason to love him, watch this:

He eats Taco Bell, a shout out to Circle Me Bert, and pranks in Minnesota. Justin, will you marry me?

[two]
My roommate's mother made me a Halloween treat bag last weekend. It was filled with candy corn, candy bars, and homemade chocolate chip cookies. I don't care how old you are, treat bags are the best! And the cookies were the best homemade chocolate chip cookies I have ever had. And I'm not just saying that. Luckily she only gave us two cookies, so I could practice a small bit of portion control.

[three]

This was found off of the Southern California coast, this week. No, just no.

source

[four]
Would it really be a Five for Friday if I didn't share a snack. It's probably becoming very evident why I don't lose weight anymore. You're all probably thinking "bitch really likes to snack!" It's true, I do. At least I eat healthy-ish snacks. Anyway, these are delightful. Not too flavorful, just the right amount. And I like things that don't have a shit ton of servings in one bag. Like, if I ate this entire bag in one sitting (hasn't happened...yet) it would only be 520 calories. Not awesome, but better than if I ate a whole bag of chips, just saying.

[five]
The Biggest Loser is back! I love/hate weight loss shows. It gives an unrealistic view of losing weight. I have never lost more than 4 pounds in a week, and I think that only ever happened once. However, I do think these shows can be inspiring, and a good reminder that as a society we need to shape up.

Of course I will watch anyway. And you can bet your sweet ass that I will be pulling for Ruben Studdard. I loved him on American Idol, then I loved that terrible song Sorry for 2004 (give me a break, I was 14...), and I am sure I will love him on this show, too!

Throw Back Thursday: Being Called Pregnant

Today I am going to share a story that I have only told to maybe two people. It's a story about being called pregnant, when in fact I was not pregnant. It was mortifying, and embarrassing, and there is a reason that I never share it. Who the heck wants to admit to being called pregnant?

This happened when I was 20 years old. As I have stated before, I have been overweight for most of my life. I was not always 246 pounds, but I have always rolled on the chubby side of life. And I tend to carry most of my weight in my boobs, and stomach. I was probably around 210-220 pounds, this is just a guess, as I avoided scales.

The worst part of this story might in fact be that I was called pregnant before I even reached my heaviest weight. Excuse me while I bury my face in my hands for a minute. Here is a picture of what I looked like during that time. My god, look at those boobs. It's hard to believe I continued to grow. It's also hard to believe that I thought that this dress made me look thin.....

One evening I was at the grocery store, I even remember exactly what I was wearing. A cute checkered skirt, with a form fitting shirt, and a cardigan. I thought that I had the skirt pulled up high enough on my stomach, but I guess some woman had another opinion. 

I was standing in the bread aisle when a very thin woman came up to me, with the smuggest look on her face and said "congratulations on the pregnancy!" She kept walking down the aisle before I even had a chance to comprehend what she had said to me. 

By the look on her face, I knew that she knew that I was not pregnant. She was just being a smug bitch. Did she really make herself feel better? And if she did, I pity her. She made me feel ugly, and gross. Her comment did not inspire me to lose weight, her comment made me want to eat large amounts of food. 

She ruined my night, my week, and even made me doubt myself as a person. I liked who I was despite my weight. Did I need to lose weight? Yes. But there is no reason that she needed to be so unkind. 

And for arguments sake, let's say that she actually thought I was pregnant. Damn. I really, really should have had my aha moment right then and there. But I didn't. I still didn't want to lose weight. I still didn't think I was that big. It took gaining about 20+ more pounds before I was ready to change. And that's okay. These types of experiences only helped to fuel my fire. I may not have been ready to lose weight in that moment, but it was still part of my journey. 

My point is, don't pressure yourself to change your lifestyle right this minute. It can be intimidating. Don't feel the need to make big changes all at once. Make small ones. Try to take a walk today. Or drink an extra glass of water. Or skip that late night treat you were going to have. 

Just remember that weight loss is a journey that never ends. Don't look for instant results, just be happy with the little changes you are making towards your goal!

Oh, and my last piece of advice: If you suspect someone is pregnant but don't actually know, err on the side of caution!

Five on Friday!

It's Friday! 

Go check out the link-up! 

[one]
It's becoming quite evident that I reeeeally like my salty snacks. This brand is called Way Better Snacks and every flavor that I have tried is really tasty. Just the like the true food addict that I am, I was so excited when I saw that they came out with a holiday edition. Both the cranberry and pumpkin flavor were subtle but good. And look at those ingredients! The best part is that I found them at Marshall's, but I have also noticed them at my local health foods store.

[two]
I apply to a lot of jobs every.single.week, some that I want, and some just because I need a job. However this week I found two different jobs that I really want. Because of all the rejection that I have received I am not feeling too confident, but I am going to try my damnedest to keep positive! I would appreciate any good vibes sent this way!

[three]
In the last month I have been a frequent visitor to my local VFW. Going to the VFW makes me feel like I am living in a small town, or like I am attending a wedding reception. In my lifetime I have been to at least 5 VFW weddings, no joke. However the VFW that resides in Minneapolis is far from small town. It is filled with hipsters, and only a handful of young veterans. I am actually starting to grow fond of the VFW, they have cheap beer, karaoke, and if you are feeling hungry they will throw a frozen pizza in a pizza oven for a small charge. If you have not been to your local VFW lately, I highly suggest you stop by!

I have a friend who is quite the vocalist, and last weekend he chose to sing this little ditty. Ever since I have not been able to get it out of my head! I even put it on my iphone so I can listen to it as I walk to the gym.



[four]
As a baseball fan, I am not happy about the four teams left vying for a spot in the World Series. In general I do not like the Cardinals, or the Tigers, which totally means that they will be the two teams in the Series. I just feel like they have both  recently had enough time in the World Series spot light, so for that reason I wouldn't mind if the Red Sox and the Dodgers made it in.

But if for some reason it does come down to a Tigers/Cardinals match-up I will be rooting for the Tigers simply because I love their pitcher, Justin Verlander and I would love to see him win.

[five]
Lately I have been trying to count my blessings, focus on the good. This has caused me to realize how lucky I am to be surrounded by such awesome people. My mom and step dad are currently in town and I just love getting to spend time with them. My mom is more important to me than I could ever put into words.

Also, I have a core group of friends that I would not trade for anything. They have seen and supported me in my darkest hour. They are the people I look to for laughs. They are the people that can make a simple Target trip into a fun adventure. And they are the people that make going to the VFW feel like it's classy.

I had this message on my tea bag this week, I found it to be real fitting. 

What are you grateful for this week? 

What would you sing at karaoke? 

Yoga.

As you may have figured out by now, I have decided to do a series of posts dedicated to critiquing various exercises. I am not a personal trainer, so all of these posts will be my own opinions, and personal findings.
So far I have outlined:
Cycling
Row Machine
R.I.P.P.E.D. 

Today I will be focusing on yoga.
Description: Yoga is not an aerobic based class, it is focused on stretching, posture, breathing, relaxation, and meditation. In ancient Sanskrit yoga means union. This makes sense because practicing yoga is based on your mind and body coming together.

Duration: Typically 55-90 minutes.

Level of like (10) or dislike (0): About a 7, but I really wish it was a 10. Yoga is something that I want to love, that I want to crave, but I don't. For the most part yoga is too slow for me. I like intense cardio classes, or lifting heavy weights. I have a problem with turning off my thoughts, and I find that I zone out more with a cardio class than with yoga.

I make it about 20 minutes into a yoga class and then I start thinking about dinner, or applying for jobs, or what my weekend plans will be, or what I should be for halloween. And then I have stopped focusing on my breathing, and it's hard for me to reconnect with my body. But I know this is a reason that I should keep practicing yoga. I need to improve on my mind/body connection, and with that said, I have now been attending more yoga based classes. I still keep my cardio routine, but I have just added in yoga, it makes for a long week at the gym, but I love it!

source

Benefits:
There are sooo many benefits to yoga that I could never list them all. So please do further research. I figured that I would share the benefits that I am hoping to achieve when practicing.
-It helps with managing stress.
-It has been helping my lower back pain. I told the instructor that I was having back issues and now she is able to cue me to on adjustments I can make.
-It's suppose to be a sleep aid. I haven't found this to be true yet, but I still have hope.
-Flexibility. Because I love weight lifting I tend to get stiff, yoga has helped keep me limber.
-Strengthening my core and stretching my hip flexors.
-It helps with menopause, not something that I am having troubles with, but my mom does. In some studies it has been reported that yoga can help decrease hot flashes.

Advice for first timers:
-Find an instructor that you like. There is a yoga instructor at my gym and I just don't mesh with her. She is a little too sporadic for my taste. Luckily people convinced me to try other classes, because now I have found an instructor who I really like. She is encouraging, knowledgeable, and great at explaining poses.

-Don't let your weight discourage you. I was at my heaviest when I first tried a yoga class. I couldn't properly do a lot of the poses. Instead of feeling defeated or discouraged, I wish I would have asked the instructor for adjustment ideas.

-Don't go on a full stomach. I once went to dinner with my mom before attending a class, bad, bad idea. Not that any class would be pleasant on a full stomach, but having to hold downward dog was miserable.

Five on Friday!

It's that time again!

I am linking up with Darci and company!

[one]
John and Sherry from Young House Love are pregnant again! Is it odd that I am excited about a pregnancy for people whom I have not met? To my non-blogging or non-blog reading friends it might be a weird concept, but to those who read blogs just as much as I do I think it's a very accepted concept!

[two]
These chips! Yet again I am sharing a savory snack, but I got these last night and I am loving them. A little crunchier than I would like in a chip, but they do satisfy my craving for chips. And they are made from root vegetables, so there is a serving of vegetables in every ounce!

[three]
I put egg whites in my coffee cup this morning. Luckily I hadn't poured my coffee into the cup yet (I pour my cream in first, then coffee on top), but man would that have been an unpleasant concoction.

[four]
It's Friday! And in my world that means it's time for a drink some drinks. I went on a job interview this week, and got rejected. I have been rejected so many times in the past few months that it's too painful to count. Sooo I am very much ready for a drink. And I realized that I already have everything I need to make a cosmopolitan! What a happy accident!

[five]
In my job interview this week I got asked some pretty crazy questions. One of them was; "If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?" I was caught soooo off guard that all I could think about was a dog, because I am loyal and active. But now that I have been thinking about it, I wish I would have said a honey badger, because the honey badger doesn't give a shit.



So now I am super curious, if you could be any animal, what would you be and why???

Fail Proof Vegetarian Chili

Let me start out by saying that I am not a chef. There is a reason that this blog does not feature many recipes. I mean, I'm decent at cooking, but I never attempt a recipe that appears to have too many ingredients, especially if there are too many ingredients that I have never heard of. That is not to say that I don't love the taste of complicated food dishes, I just prefer when someone else makes them.

Example: I LOVE creme brulee, but you will never see me using a torch in the kitchen. It would not be safe.

However, there are a few things that I can cook, and find to be pretty easy, and pretty fail proof. Chili is one of those things. I feel like you can pretty much throw anything into chili and it will turn out. However this totally contradicts my rule about not making things with too many ingredients, but you kinda need lots of things for chili. Oh well, I am a walking contradiction.

I love chili because it's so nutrient dense. You can throw so many vegetables in the pot, and it tastes better than if you were to eat all the vegetables separately. The batch I made this time is oozing with nutritional value.

Since I am a vegetarian, to me chili does not mean having ground beef or turkey, but you could easily add meat and I am sure it would turn out great.

I decided to try making this in the crock pot, which I rarely do, but should probably start doing more often. Ya know, so I can really cement my status as a Midwestern gal. Minnesotans really love their crock pots.

Because I just kind of threw things in the pot, I won't really have exact measurements, but bear with me!

Ingredients: 

Fresh Produce

1 poblano pepper

1 zucchini 

3/4 of a yellow onion 

1/2 a bag of baby carrots

1 sweet potato 

3 cloves of garlic 

A handful of kale 

Canned goods

1 big can (read: 28 oz) of diced tomatoes

1 normal sized can (15.5 oz) garbanzo beans

1 normal sized can of dark red kidney beans

1 small can (6 oz) of tomato paste

1 small can (4 oz) of sliced jalapenos

some water 

Seasonings

cayenne pepper 

chili powder 

red pepper flakes

cinnamon

salt

pepper 

So basically I threw all of that into a crock pot, except for the kale, I put that in about 2 hours before it was done. I drained all of the cans except for the diced tomatoes, I threw the whole can in. But then it seemed a little thick, so I filled up my empty tomato paste can and put 2 cans worth of water into the mixture. Although I don't think I would have needed any because as the day went on it became more juicy. See, I am not a chef, I have no intuition about this sort of stuff. 

Then I threw in seasonings, I didn't put a lot of cinnamon in, just a little. And enough cayenne pepper and red pepper flakes to make my nose run. 

Changes that I would make next time would be using some vegetable broth to give it a little more flavor. No kale, but replace with spinach, which was my original plan but my kale was closer to spoiling. Overall I loved it and found it to be extraordinarily easy. 

How does everyone else make chili? Do you follow a recipe? Or just sort of wing it? 

R.I.P.P.E.D.

I thought it would be fun to do a series of posts outlining and critiquing the various things that I have tried at the gym. I am not a professional trainer, so all of these posts will be my own opinions, and personal findings.

I have done a post on cycling, and rowing. And for this one I will be focusing on a class called R.I.P.P.E.D.

Description:
R.I.P.P.E.D. is a choreographed class that is designed to be a plateau proof class because the choreograph changes every few months. The name of the class is an acronym that describes the format of the class and stands for Resistance. Intervals. Power. Plyometrics. Endurance. Diet.

Each song represents one of those words, so the song for Intervals has a much faster tempo than the song for Resistance. In the classes that I have attended, no certain diet plan is discussed, but it does serve as a reminder that diet plays a role in weight loss.

For a month or two the choreography to each song is exactly the same, which is designed so that each class you can get better and stronger.

Duration: 50-55 minutes depending on how much time each instructor spends demonstrating different moves.

Level of like (10) or dislike (0): About a 7. I think the concept for the class is good, teaches a lot of basic workout techniques. However I get extremely bored with classes when I know exactly what to expect. If I know that a class has a burpees portion, I start out the class with a feeling of dread. As opposed to walking into a class feeling excited and then having burpees sprung on me.

This also happens for me with music. In the current release I don't like two of the songs, so now I find that I don't want to go to the class as often because I hate the songs so much. Also I find that I like lifting weights on my own much better. When I lift weights on my own, I tend to life a lot heavier, and push myself harder. But that's just me.

Benefits:
-The class is designed so that you ideally will burn anywhere between 750-1000 calories in each class. When I finally get myself a heart rate monitor, I would be curious to see if this is true for me.
-You get a full body workout. There are aspects of cardio, strength/resistance, core, and stretching.
-You learn new workout moves. The current release has a move called clock lunges, and they are actually kind of fun!



Advice for first timers:
-Go more than once. If I had written this post after the first class I attended I would probably not have had anything positive to say. But I forced myself to go back, and once I had learned the material I ended up enjoying the class a lot more.
-Tell your instructor that you are new. This can be hard or intimidating to do, but trust me, if an instructor knows that you have never attended the class they will break down the choreography a lot better.

And if you want to learn more, or find a class near you, here is the link. 

Five on Friday!

Slowly but surely I am getting the hang of this blogging thing (it's only taken a year and a half...). I think the one piece of advice that I never seem to follow is to blog about the things that I love to read. I mean, I do and try, but then there are other times when I think my life is too boring, so I just don't share. One example is food. I LOVE reading blogs that post the kinds of meals they eat throughout the day.

Julie at Peanut Butter Fingers is one of my favorite blogs to read because almost daily she is sharing her meals, and snacks. I always get ideas of what to eat. So I am going to work on posting more food ideas!

The next thing that I am trying to get better about are link ups. My most favorite link up is Five on Friday, and I stumbled upon this link up from Darci at The Good Life. I love reading them. So even though I am extremely late to the party, I am finally going to join!

[one]
Coffee. I am the true definition of a coffee drinker, maybe even bordering a coffee addict. But this week I have three different flavors that I am alternating between. And I gotta say, I am loving the strawberry shortcake flavor!

[two]
Breaking Bad, Breaking Bad, Breaking Bad! I started watching this show a couple of years ago, then I lost interest because of certain characters dying off. But since the series finale is Sunday, I spent last week catching up on part 1 & 2 of season 5. Even though there are parts of this show that I don't particularly love, it is still a phenomenal show, and I cannot wait to watch the finale.

[three]
My porch. Because I hurt my back again, the only comfortable place that I found for me to sit is on our back porch, in adirondack chairs. Today has been flip flopping between sun and rain, and I am loving it. A very peaceful way to drink my coffee and read blogs!

[four]
These little things! My favorite junk food are chips. When I didn't care about being healthy, chips were pretty much my form of crack. These are a great substitute. They are crunchy, and salty, but not overkill. Chips murder my taste buds. I found them in the produce section of a Super Target. And these have some great nutrition facts. For 22 pieces: 120 calories, 6g fat, 15g carbs, 3g fiber, 200mg of sodium, and 4g protein.

[five]
My foam roller. My foam roller has been my best friend for the last two days. I have been rolling out my IT bands, and hip flexors in attempt to heal my back faster.

Have a great weekend, friends!

It Happened, Again.

My back, is screwed, yet again. UGHHHHHH!!

I don't even know what to do. The first time that I injured my back was in April. I was in a HIIT class, doing squats, I felt something shift, and my whole back tensed up. Ever since I have had a sensitive lower back, and experience lower back pain and stiffness almost weekly. However it has never been as bad as the first time I injured it. Until now.

Last night I was planning to go to a half hour Core Fit class, then stay for Step Class, and Chisel (weight lifting). I usually lift weights on Monday, Wednesday, Friday. I successfully finished Core Fit, I was feeling good, feeling thin, and I was ready to complete two more classes. The ironic part is that I have been attending Core Fit in an attempt to strengthen my core, and better support my back.

Step and Chisel used to be my favorite classes of the week, but ever since the instructor left, it hasn't been the same. But one of the girls who always attends the Step class is now training to be an instructor. And last night was her first trial run. She killed it! She was soooo good. She used the same music as the old instructor, had similar moves, kept up speed, and didn't mess up once! I was so excited for her, but also jazzed that I would have a good instructor back.

Because I was so amped up, I was going beast mode on the bench. Then she called out the Charleston Kick, and the minute I bent down I felt something shift, pop, and crackle (anyone else thinking about Rice Krispies?) in my lower back. Immediately I began to feel a tingling sensation shoot down my left leg and butt cheek. All I was thinking was OH SHIT!!

Here is an example of the Charleston Kick, but we were using benches, not bosu balls. I actually really love this move, but I guess my back does not.



I immediately stood up, marched in place, and tried not to panic. However all I wanted to do was scream out in pain. But I have such a tough time walking out of a class early, plus I didn't want the new instructor to think I hated her, especially since she was doing so good. So I stepped out of class for a minute, tried to stretch out my back and hips, I lightly foam rolled, and went back to class.

You might be thinking that I am an idiot for going back to class, but don't worry I took the rest of the class realllly easy. I modified everything. Because there was a lack of bounce in my step, I mirrored the old ladies in the back of the room. Actually, I think the old ladies were going harder than I was! But that's okay, I had to listen to my body. Even though I was going slow, there were times when I felt like I was going to puke. Blah.

Class finished, I told the instructor she was a rock star, and then I ran waddled out. Of course I had walked to the gym, so I was going to have to toddle my way home. As I left I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I was in pain, but more so I was mad. Raged. I wanted to attend Chisel but my body was failing me, again. And I knew that I was going to have to rest for a few days, not a fan.

Thank god for sunglasses because I cried as I walked home. Although I had the quivering bottom lip going on, so I am sure that people knew. I am not one of those girls that just kinda weeps, I definitely have an ugly cry. Every step I took I could feel something crackle.

I am uninsured and broke, so I am turning to Dr. Google for help. I am icing my back, doing light stretching, and taking expired vicodin for the pain. I already have troubles falling to sleep, and staying to sleep as it is. Last night was hell. No position was comfortable, and normally I toss and turn in my sleep, which was near impossible last night.

I am getting some ibuprofen tonight because it mixes better with wine than vicodin it's an anti-inflammatory, which should help any swelling go down. Also, I am no expert, but just from reading my own body, I really think my lower back issues are connected to my hip flexors. I often get really tight and sore hip flexors, and IT bands, so I am going to focus on stretches for my hips, and foam rolling my IT band. Wish me luck!

Dieting Myths...er Truths

I have been dieting and exercising long enough that I would dare say that this has become a way of life. However when I started this whole process I didn't believe a lot of things I was told. I thought healthy fitness loving people were always telling lies to make themselves feel better for virtually starving. You know the things that I am talking about.

"Drink a full cup of water before each meal and you will eat less." (This is true)
Or "Stand while you eat and you will be prone to eat less." (This seems ridiculous)

Anyway, I have found that some of these things that I once thought were myths, are actually true. Mini aha moments, if you will. These are the things that I have found to be true for me, but some of you may find them to be just as ridiculous as standing while you eat.

1) Eating protein helps to keep me full longer. That and things high in fiber. If my dinner includes a high protein veggie patty, and brussels sprouts, I will definitely be satisfied until bed time.

2) Oatmeal makes a great breakfast because it coats my ribs and sticks with me longer. I can make it to lunch without wanting to chew my fingers off.

3) Drinking cold water better hydrates my body, and drinking warm water makes me feel full. I learned this the hard way. I once brought a water bottle filled with warm water to a cardio class. By the end of the class I felt so full and bloated that I thought I was going to throw up.

4)Keeping a food journal really does work. Counting calories, or Weight Watchers is actually the best way to start. You never realize how much you are consuming, until you write it down. I can't count calories or points anymore because it makes me batty. However I do still try to keep a food journal so that I can monitor myself, be aware, and not go overboard on what I am eating each day.

5) Chewing gum while making dinner helps me to avoid snacking while cooking. I have a terrible habit of eating while I cook, chewing gum helps.

6) Be mindful when eating. I once heard that as Americans we are constantly thinking about food, until we are actually eating it. So in an effort to enjoy my meals, I try to focus on the bites that I am taking, and really enjoy my food.

7) Snack often. I try to eat 5-6 smaller meals throughout the day. I prefer it to be this way. Eating 3 big meals causes my stomach to stretch, so I try to break up my meals, and eat more frequently.

source

Row Machine.

I thought it would be fun to do a series of posts outlining and critiquing the various things that I have tried at the gym. Some thing I love, some I don't. I am not a professional trainer, so all of these posts will be my own opinions, and personal findings.

The first post was dedicated to cycling, and can be found here.

So for this post I am going to focus on rowing. 

Description: The row machine looks like this:

source

It is a stable machine designed to mimic the motion of rowing a boat. The handles are the oars, and the seat moves as you push your feet. It's kinda hard to explain while typing, so here is the video that I learned proper rowing form from:

I was actually a little intimidated to try the rowing machine. I wasn't sure if I would know how to do it right, I thought I would try and then everyone in the gym would be starring at me while I was doing the motions completely wrong. This video really helped, and now I feel pretty confident about my skill level.

Duration: I usually row in increments of 10-15 minutes, but you could definitely do more. On days that I don't have a class to attend I will do circuit like workouts, and rotate between strength exercises with 10 minute cardio blasts in between each set.

Level of like (10) or dislike (0): A 9 or maybe even a 10. I love it for short, quick cardio blasts. I find that I work harder when only doing it for 10 minute sessions, compared to 30 minutes all at once. But that's just me.

I will usually do intervals, go really hard and fast (TWSS) for about 30 seconds, and then I will slow it down for 15 seconds. Repeat.

Benefits:
-It's a great low impact cardio option. Because you  sit while you are working, I find it not to be as difficult as running, but my heart rate still spikes. Plus I don't worry about injuring my back or knees as much as I do with other activities.
-It utilizes a lot of muscle groups. My legs, my upper body, and working to stabilize my core.
-Its a great aerobic and anaerobic exercise. Your body is dealing with resistance while utilizing your oxygen supply with repetitive motions.

Advice for first timers:
-Make sure to use your legs to really drive the motion. Your legs hold the power more than your upper body. Not to say that you don't use your upper body, just don't neglect the legs, they are your biggest muscle group.
-Be prepared to get calluses on your hands. Or at least I get them. But that could be because I lift dumbbells first, then row, then lift, etc. A lot of friction is put on my hands in a small period of time.