I Can't Handle It Anymore!

This has nothing to do with weight loss, or dieting, or exercise. This post is going to be a long winded rant and probably won't be worth reading. You've been warned. But I feel like I am losing my mind. I am at my breaking point. Seriously.

Oh, I should probably share the reason as to why I am about to lose my mind, huh? I am living out the real life Mouse Hunt movie. And I hate mice, well any rodent for that matter. The way they scurry just freaks me out. A lot.

Because I live in Minnesota, and because mice can apparently smell fear, this is not my first rodeo. I lived in this gross-ass college house during my senior year. We had lots of mice. Like colonies and families of mice. And the colonies basically lived in our kitchen and were brave little fuckers. They would eat anything and everything that was left out. They would chew through bags to eat bagels. And apparently the bagels did not satisfy them because they also would go after butter. Butter!

I wanted to be humane and live trap them, but I finally stepped up my game and bought poison when my roommate had a mouse crawl in her bed. . . while she was in it. Eww. I just got shivers thinking about that. Ick, ick, ICK!

Anyway, I am rambling. This situation was over 2 years ago and that is not why I am about to currently have a nervous break down. I have lived in the same apartment for a year and a half and for the first year, we had no mice. And then in September I saw our first mouse. And we keep getting more and more.

Between then and now I have purchased 4 traps, set out 3 boxes of poison, and plugged in my ultrasonic rodent repeller device that I owned from my previous mouse colony days. I know, I sound crazy and a little neurotic.

Recently my roommate found a dead mouse in her room, so the poison must be working. This is the same roommate who found the mouse in her bed before. Fortunately she isn't bothered by mice, and actually finds them to be cute. I don't get it.

After she found the dead one, we (read: my mother) decided that we (read: my roommate and I) couldn't live this way any longer. My mom bought tape to seal up all of the holes in our apartment caused by the 1950's style heating pipes. Her and my step dad also covered up all of the holes for us, which hopefully will keep them out! The only problem is that by covering up the entrances/exits, 2 mice were trapped inside my tiny, shoe box apartment. One died from poison and was found under the Christmas tree. Merry Christmas? The other one was reallllyyyy active.

And this is why I am losing my mind. I had to watch the poor mouse circle round and round in our apartment. At first I was freaking out, standing on chairs and squealing. I finally got used to the mice drank enough wine so I didn't care. So last week I spent my Friday and Saturday mouse hunting. Well, I wasn't exactly doing the capturing, but I was providing moral support and holding the flashlight, equally as important.

Now here is the frustrating part about living with mice; I watched the mouse eat peanut butter off of the snap trap.  And the trap didn't go off! It didn't work. It's faulty. I was pissed, not that I wanted to watch the mouse get smooshed into a trap, but seriously, I want this critter out of my life!

It has since died from the poison, I'm sure. The new problem; where is it? Where did it die? My tiny apartment must have a dead mouse someplace, but I can't find it. Admittedly, I am not looking very hard, as I would probably freak out if I actually found it. I am lucky to have a roommate who can handle shit like this. I would be screwed if I lived alone.

Anyway, this is the end of my rant. The hunt is almost over and luckily we haven't seen another live mouse. Although now my roommate and I are experiencing some PTSD and if something moves, we automatically think it's a mouse. If a piece of paper falls, it's a mouse. If a bobby pin drops, it's a mouse. If an earring catches the light, it's a mouse in your hair. If nothing at all moves, it's a mouse. I feel like I have the eyes of a hawk now. And what a valuable skill that is to have. I can put that one on a resume.

Skills: great at spotting mice. Or nothing at all but freaking out anyways. Whatever.

The Day Before Drinking

In the last 3 weekends I have only gone out once! One time! That is very unlike me. I don't know if it has to do with the cold weather, or the fact that I am aging, but my drinking has slowed down, significantly.

And you want to know the worst part? I have enjoyed my weekends spent at home. I think I am turning into a hermit! Help!

It has just been such a nice change of pace to wake up feeling hydrated, have the energy to go to the gym, and the willpower to avoid eating crap. But that was going to change last weekend. I had a holiday party planned for Saturday and I knew I would be binge drinking.

Since I didn't go out Friday, I woke up on Saturday and I was able to go to the gym for Step class, and Body Pump. Attending two 1 hour classes=Beast Mode.

Starting on Saturday morning I thought that I would do a blog post to show off what I ate throughout the day when preparing to drink most of my calories. The only problem is that I got pretty hammed on Saturday night. Like, holy shit-what happened-dancing machine-kind of drunk. This means that my diet plan didn't really work, and I probably should not serve as an inspiration, to anyone.

However I am still going to post some food ideas for planning a day of drinking that will be kind to your diet. But if you don't want to get completely tanked, then do not follow this diet. Or maybe just don't drink as much. Yeah, that is probably what I should have done.

After the gym I had a protein shake with 1 scoop of chocolate whey protein and a half scoop of soy vanilla protein. I blended it with frozen strawberries, a banana, a splash of orange juice, some ice and a little bit of water to get it moving. It wasn't the tastiest thing, but it did give me a blast of 35 grams of protein and clocked in at around 5 points.

Later when I got hungry again, I had 2 servings (read: 1/2 cup) of egg whites (2 points), with a frozen medley of vegetables (0 points), topped with 1/4 cup reduced fat cheddar cheese (1 point), and sriracha sauce (0 points). And on the side I had 1 slice of low carb bread (1 point) topped with smashed avocado (2 points) and more sriracha sauce. I may or may not be part of the sriracha cult.

And if you are too lazy to do the math, that is a meal for 6 points, 11 points so far for the day. Then I laid around, drinking water, and watching The Minday Project. I also had 1 cup of coffee with a splash of eggnog for 1 point, 12 points for the day. I could have skipped the egg nog, but I love it. A lot. 

A wise woman once told me that eating pancakes before going out is a good idea, because it will soak up all of the booze. So my roommate and I decided to try pancakes for dinner. Two pancakes with a few chocolate chips (6 points) and 2 tbsp of syrup (2 points) and a smear of fake peanut butter (1 point).

 
21 points total for the day, which left me with 10 extra points for drinking. Not to mention my 49 extra weekly points that I am allowed and usually save for the weekend. I also could have avoided putting avocado on my toast, egg nog in my coffee, and chocolate chips and fake peanut butter on my pancakes. This would have shaved off an extra 6 points, which roughly equals one alcoholic drink!

I am sad to report that the pancakes didn't really work. Although I have been told that I should have had more than 2 pancakes, but that would really defeat the purpose of dieting. I really should have just watched the amount of cocktails that I consumed. I am just used to drinking for a fat girl, but since losing weight my tolerance has gone wayyyy down! I am becoming a cheap date.

I woke up on Sunday and I felt like I had swallowed sand, my mouth was so dry, and my stomach was queasy. I am not as resilient as I used to be. That or my body was so used to being hungover that I didn't know what healthy felt like. Yikes!

Holiday Indulging

The holiday season is upon us, which tends to be a nightmare for most dieters, myself included. I feel like I could fall off the healthy eating wagon at any moment. That being said, I made it through Thanksgiving and actually lost 2 whole pounds! Although I am not sure how that happened because I let my inner fat girl take over for the day and eat anything she could get her hands on. But that was kind of my game plan going into the holiday; eat liberally on the actual holiday but then go back to healthy eating the next day.

This is also going to be my plan of attack for the whole holiday season. I am not going to think of Christmas as a month long extravaganza and use it as an excuse to stuff my face all month long and avoid the gym. Although that sounds wonderful.

But I think that is the reason that people tend to gain weight around the holidays. Somehow it gets justified to eat liberally from mid October until January 1st, and that is when the New Years resolutions start.

Today at work we had our holiday party. And I was nervous. There was a whole table dedicated to desserts. And I am happy to report that I successfully navigated the party without indulging (too much), and without binging. 

How did I manage to do this? Well...

1) I started off by placing a bowl on my plate, so that way my plate had less room for food. The bowl had vegetarian chili, and the rest of my plate had salad with non-fat balsamic dressing.

2) The next thing that I did was place myself at the end of a table, in the corner. This way it would be harder for me to get up and navigate my way back to the buffet table for seconds.

3) I chose my dessert selectively. I asked people what their favorite dish was and what was worth the calories. I tried a small bite of cake off of my coworkers plate and then I starred at all of the desserts, debating what would really be worth the calories. This part was hard. I needed to practice self control like no other. Finally I chose to have a brownie with salted caramel drizzled on top. At the end of the day a brownie is my all time favorite dessert and I knew I would not be disappointed. And it was to die for and totally worth it!

4) Lastly I evaluated my hunger level and decided that there was one more thing that I wanted to try, and that was a small dab of homemade macaroni and cheese. Which again, was good and worth it.

So this should be the part of the post that I post pictures of all of the foods that I avoided. However I didn't take any pictures. I didn't want to be that weird girl in front of 60+ people that was snapping pictures of the buffet line. But I will add some photos of me from last year compared to this year, because apparently losing weight and blogging has turned me into a complete narcissist. Enjoy!

Must.Have.Willpower.

Dieting is hard. Fighting food addiction is hard. Fighting food addiction when faced with some of your favorite foods is like a cruel form of Chinese torture. Now, as a fat girl in transition, I have a lot of favorite foods, which makes navigating life very, very difficult. We are faced with food choices all the time. I recently heard that we make around 200 food choices every day, and then found this article discussing the same finding.

200! That is incredible. It explains why I feel like I am always fighting the urge to binge. I always feel like I am minutes away from losing control of my eating. And certain things will trigger me to indulge. Some common emotions that will trigger me are: frustration, anger, stress, and sadness. I do eat when I am bored, but it's usually just nibbling or snacking. But when I am under stress/frustrated, everyone better look out! I simultaneously want nachos, french fries, brownies, cool whip, and Oreos. I am not kidding.

Nachos are a huge danger zone for me. If I am stressed at work, I want to go to a happy hour and stuff my face full of nachos. It's not pretty, and I should probably refrain from ever ordering nachos while on a date.

Recently (read: the last 3 days), Minneapolis has been a complete and utter nightmare for driving. On Sunday we got around a foot of snow, and the streets are haphazardly plowed. This makes my commute to the gym and work a complete shit show.

After being late for work on Monday and Tuesday, I finally thought that I had outsmarted the system and would try taking an earlier bus. Well, that didn't work, and I found myself waiting at a cold bus stop for 20 minutes and boarding the bus that I normally take. When I got to work I was pissed. So when I walked into the staff kitchen and saw Oreos, I was not happy. Especially when the pack of Oreos were ripped open and easily accessible. 

Side note: I am very weird, random, and selective about the sweets that I like and will actually indulge in. I love brownies, but don't like donuts. I love, LOVE Oreos, but I am not crazy about chocolate chip cookies, unless they are freshly baked. Who would really say no to fresh baked anything?

I literally stood in the kitchen, starring at the Oreos for probably a minute. I almost started shaking, I wanted to grab 5 cookies, shove them in my mouth and grab 5 more. It was bad. I felt like a heroin addict that was looking for the next fix. I finally broke eye contact with the container of cookies, stepped away and ran out of the kitchen.

Five minutes later I felt fine. I was glad that I did not binge on the cookies and I felt more in control. It's just so weird how my mind can go to such a dark place. If I would have thought to grab just 1 cookie, I would have grabbed more, and more. But that is what binging, emotions and triggers can do to me. Now, sitting here hours later, I could easily walk into the kitchen and not grab a cookie or even grab just 1 cookie and walk away.

I am in a constant battle with myself and my willpower. I am happy to say that today I won the battle! But tomorrow I might not be so lucky. It's our holiday work party and it will be a small miracle if I don't shove my face full of sugar.

No Excuses

Living in Minnesota is quite the adventure. The weather is always so unpredictable, and this morning was one of those days when it snowed, and snowed, and snowed. I think it is still snowing as I type this. And let me state that I do not enjoy snow. or winter, or cold. I hate it all, and should probably consider moving south.

This is what I woke up to: 

I easily could have allowed myself to stay indoors all day long, lounging in sweats, and watching movies.  I had already been to the gym 5 days this week, so I easily could have justified staying in. However my original plan for the weekend was to go to the gym both Saturday and Sunday. So, that is exactly what I did, I went to the gym. I did not use the weather as an excuse to avoid traveling. I manned up, strapped on my boots and braved the weather. My car slips and slides in this sort of weather, so my roommate volunteered to take her big, boat of a car.

There were more people at the gym then I was expecting to see, but I definitely didn't have to fight anyone to get an elliptical machine. But I did have to fight a few girls to get my hands on this:

Let me tell you, reading a magazine filled with the sexiest men of the year really helps kick up a workout. I was extremely motivated to work up a sweat when starring at hot man candy.

Now, this got me thinking all about excuses, justifications, validations, etc. Part of having that aha moment is giving up excuses and fighting for what you truly want. A justification for behavior is just an excuse in disguise. And if you allow yourself to keep making excuses, change will never happen. If you want it bad enough you will do it, if you don't, you will make an excuse.

I want to keep losing weight, so I was able to motivate myself to go the gym, even when I had to battle my way through the wind, and snow. And like always, I felt great after my workout. I was glad I went, I survived the weather and I made it to the gym 6 days this week (2nd week in a row that I have done that). Did you make it to the gym today? Or did you have an excuse?

This is the tundra that I apparently call home. 

Bye Bye Mayo, Hello Healthy

Today I had an aha moment while making my lunch. I was having a sandwich for lunch, which is not something I eat that often but for some reason today I was in the mood. Before I gave up eating meat I loved snacking on slices of lunch meat, so in order to keep protein in my diet I now snack on fake lunch meat. Tofurky slices, to be exact. Since I had some fake lunch meat on hand, I decided that a sandwich was calling my name.

Prior to my dieting days I would make all of my sandwiches with mayo, and a cheese slice. When I was even younger I thought that the best sandwich was made with white bread, mayo, cheddar cheese, and bologna. That makes me sound a little bit like white trash. Oh well, it's what I liked. Although now, the thought of white bread freaks me out, I can almost feel the bread sticking to the roof of my mouth!

Anyway, I love mayo on a sandwich, even an egg sandwich. I love sauces in general, it's wired in my brain that I need to have sauce on both sides of a sandwich. Back in my fat girl days I would put ranch on one slice of bread and mayo on the other. Go ahead, you can judge me. So today when making my sandwich I was trying to figure out what I could put on my sandwich, since I try to avoid ranch and mayo.

As I was riffling through my fridge I also realized that I did not have a slice of Weight Watchers cheese to put on my sandwich. And that is when I had my aha moment! I did not need cheese or mayo. I always tend to have Laughing Cow Cheese Spread on hand (or in this case Crystal Farms, since it was on sale) so I figured that I could just spread a wedge of the cheese onto one side of my sandwich. Which would take care of the naked side of bread AND solve my cheese problem.

I smeared a fourth of an avocado on the other slice of bread, added the meat, tomato and drizzled mustard all over the top. 

Low Carb Bread: 2 points (1 point per slice)
Tofurky Lunch Meat: 2 points
1/4 of an Avocado: 2 points
1 Cheese Wedge: 1 points
Mustard: 0 points
Sandwich Total: 7 points

I realize that this post may seem like I am taking my sandwich making skills a little too seriously (and I probably am). But that is what dieting and more specifically, that aha moment is all about. It's all about figuring out those little dieting tips that make healthy eating so much easier.

Goals for the Next Year

I recently hit my one year anniversary. For the last year I have been going to the gym religiously, and avoiding  fatty foods. Last year the only goal that I had made for myself was to lose weight and get in shape. And in the last year I have done exactly that. I have lost 55 pounds and I am in the best shape of my life. Do you I still have some weight to lose? Absolutely. Can I get in even better shape? Without a doubt. But that's the beauty of exercise, there is always a new area of fitness to master, and a new part of the body to condition. Recently I explored a new form of fitness that is really foreign to me, I went running. I wrote a post about it here, and while writing that post I realized that I have so many more fitness goals than I did last year.

I think it's good that I make some goals for the next year of my life. I am finding out that I tend to have a lot of weight plateaus, so in an attempt to keep myself motivated, I think it would be smart to have goals that I am working towards, besides just losing weight. So without further ado, here are my goals for the next year:

1) Run a 5k. Or two. Or maybe even three. Okay, three 5k races might be pushing it but maybe not. For now I have a goal to run at least one 5k race and we'll see what happens from there. Here are some that I think I would really enjoy running in:

• Glow Run  

 

• Challenge Obesity 5K
• MN Aids Walk
• The Naked Foot 5K
• Warrior Dash  

 



I think this is more than a 5k, but it would really test my endurance!

2)  Get an ass. I currently have a flat butt. It almost curves in, rather than out. It's sad, and pathetic. What I am lacking in the ass department I make up for in the boob department but I want an ass, no more pancake butt! Sorry if this is crude or inappropriate, but it's real life. My real, sad, assless life.

3) Participate in a triathlon. Not a long course triathlon, or that crazy, unfathomable thing called the Ironman Triathlon. My YWCA hosts an annual women's triathlon. This one seems a little more manageable, it would be a 500 yard swim, then a 15.5 mile bike ride and a 5K run. I could not participate in this sort of triathlon in my current state but if I started training, I really think I could get there by August!

4) Get toned arms. Now that I have started losing my fat girl arms, I yearn for skinny, toned, sleek, beautiful arms. My arm inspiration?

Jennifer Aniston:

 Source

Or Cameron Diaz:

Source

Amazing, right? I cannot wait for the day that my arms has even the slightest bit of definition like these women!

5) Figure out my role in the fitness community. One thing that this past year has taught me is that I want to work in the field of fitness. I want to work with people who understand the benefit of living an active lifestyle or are on the path to living a healthy lifestyle, just like me. I want to help inspire people and equally be inspired by others. Now the hard part is figuring out what path I should take. Should I do personal training? A health/wellness coach? A group fitness instructor? Weight Watchers Leader? Or something else entirely? I am not sure, but I plan to figure it out!

Running? Me? What?

I did something last Thursday night that I never thought I would be able to do or want to do. I went for a run. Yes, you read that right, I went running. By choice. No one was chasing me. I just felt like running would clear my head. And it did. And guess what? I want to go running again. Gasp! Who would have ever thought? Not me, that's for sure. But let me back up a little bit, and explain why the thought of me running is such exciting thing!

I hate running. No, I loathe running. I always get shin splints, my knees crack and parts of my body jiggle that I would really prefer not to jiggle. In high school when we had to run the mile, I would walk. Yeah, I was that kid. I thought it was better to walk and get a slow time than run and still get a slow time. So a year ago, when I began this magical journey to weight loss, I had no false hopes that I would become a runner. Did I wish that I could run? Yes. I so desperately wished that I was one of those people that found running to be therapeutic. But I was not. Running was painful and embarrassing.

I have 2 friends that go to my gym and both of them can run. I always wished I could sign all 3 of us up for a 5k race, the only problem was that I needed to start training. So in attempt to test my running ability I tried to run around the track at the gym. Awful. It was a complete disaster. At the time, my boobs were much larger than they are today, so with every stride my chest would pound down and it felt like the wind was being knocked out of me. Lovely, right? I made it one lap around the track and gave up.

Ever since that failed running attempt I have slowly been trying to run more. My Monday night Circuit class starts out with running laps around the gym, and this used to be the hardest part of the class for me. Actually, I didn't even try going to this class for months because I dreaded having to run, even for 3 minutes. However after months of running laps in class it became a little easier each week. It may have helped that I have since dropped 3 whole cup sizes, so now it doesn't feel like I am going to collapse from air lose. But parts of body still jiggle that I would prefer not to jiggle. Oh well, I must remember to cheer the small victories!

So when last Thursday rolled around I had no intention of going for a run. But I had a pretty bad day at work because I was working on a deadline, and was being tempted with donuts that someone had brought into the office. At the end of the day I left work in a complete funk. I was not in a good mood, I felt so out of it, and going to the gym was the last thing that I wanted to do. But I knew that I needed to do something. If I had sat at home I probably would have binged. It was just one of those kind of moods.

And all of sudden I had an aha moment and I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to run. People are always talking about going for a run to clear their heads, and that was just what I wanted, clarity. So I strapped on my tennis shoes, secured pepper spray in boobs, and set out to the wealthy part of my neighborhood. I figured that the bad guys would be casing houses, not looking to mug me! And I was right, I didn't get mugged. So they were either casing houses or I was too fast and they couldn't catch me! HA! That's unlikely.

I started out with a fast paced walk, which quickly turned into a jog. I was able to keep up a moderate jogging pace for about 4 blocks. Then I walked for a block. Then I started running again. Then walked. You get the drift. Even though I didn't run the entire time, I ended up running more than I walked. And for an overweight, non runner that is pretty triumphant! As I was running through the neighborhood I passed several other people that were running, and I even got a head nod of approval from a couple that I crossed paths with. I must have fooled them into thinking that I was a legitimate runner! If I can fool other people, maybe I can also fool myself into thinking that I am a runner. One can only hope.

And to avoid those dreaded shin splints that I figured I would get, I spent the rest of the night icing my shins. It worked, I woke up the next morning with minimal pain! Hooray!

It Was Worth It.

Here I am today.
A year later.
54 pounds lighter.
Down 3 cup size.
Stronger than I was a year ago.
Stronger than I was yesterday;
Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. 

And after completing a whole year of dieting, exercise, and moderation,
I can honestly tell you that it was worth it. Every single minute of it.
It was worth every single squat, lunge, plié, and dead lift.
It was worth every cookie that I didn't consume and every happy hour that I skipped.
It was worth every minute spent on a boring elliptical machine when I could have been on the couch.
It was worth it. 
It was worth working through every weight plateau.
It was worth every workout that I finished when I wanted to skip it instead.
It was worth every bowl of vegetables that I ate instead of ice cream.
It was worth it.
It was worth every workout that I wanted to walk out of but stayed because I don't quit.
It was worth all of the times that I was so sore I could barely get out of bed.
It was worth every drop of sweat and every heavy breath.
It was worth it.
It was worth every time that I felt like I was going to puke. Or pass out.
It was worth every tear that I cried when I felt like I couldn't do it.
It was worth every dollar that I spent on gym clothes, a gym pass and healthy foods.
It was worth the perseverance that it took to get me where I am today.
It was worth it.
It was so worth it.

It was worth it because I can fit into clothes that I haven't worn in 4 years.
Because I can run just a little bit further than I could last week.
Because the number on the scale keeps moving down and the number on my dumbbells keeps moving up.
It was worth it because I have gained self confidence.
Because I am proud of the body that I worked for, not the body I was born with.
Because I love photos that are taken of me instead of being critical of every photo.
It was worth it because now I love looking in the mirror.
I love seeing my body change with every passing day.
It was worth it because I worked my ass off and got results.
Because I no longer have fat girl arms.
Because now I have self control.
Because my body can do things that I never thought I would be capable of.
It was worth it because I am living a healthy, and happy lifestyle and I never want to go back.
It was worth it because today I look like this:

And not that:

Now and Then

As I stated in this post, I am a week away from my one year anniversary of adopting a healthier lifestyle. The biggest challenge for me was definitely changing my eating. I love all foods that are bad for me. So I wanted to take a look into some of the foods that I was eating a year ago, compared to what I am eating today.

A veggie burger for dinner: 

Then: A heaping plate full of tater tots dipped in ranch dressing accompanied by a veggie burger, with cheese, a bun, mayo and ketchup.
Estimated amount of WW points: 30-32
Estimated amount of calories: 850-870

Now: Sweet potato tots (counted out to reach the exact portion size) dipped in ketchup, veggie burger without a bun and cheese, and a pile of broccoli.
WW points: 7-8
Calories: 260-280

Pizza at home: 

Then: 3/4 (sometimes a whole) of a frozen cheese pizza, with ranch dressing drizzled on top. 

WW points: 24-30 

Calories 840-990

Now: If I am craving pizza I will use 1 whole wheat tortilla topped with spaghetti sauce, veggies, low fat cheese, and hot sauce drizzled on top. 

WW points: 8-9 

Calories: 260-280

Bagels:

Then: 2-3 bagels a day. My roommate used to work at Panera Bread and would bring home bags full of left over bagels every night. No wonder I got fat, right? 

WW points: 18-27

Calories: 660-990

Now: 1 bagel thin, maybe 2-3 a week. 

WW points: 3

Calories: 110

 Burrito: 

Then: A burrito with tortilla, rice, black beans, queso, cheese, and guacamole.
WW points: 28-31
Calories: 1,000-1,240

Now: A burrito bowl with no tortilla, no cheese, no queso, a small drizzle of sour cream, sometimes rice but usually no rice.
WW points: 12-13
Calories: 460-555

Egg Sandwich:

Then: To make an egg sandwich I would use a bagel, a slice of cheese, slices of avocado topped with ranch dressing. Before I knew much about healthy foods, I thought I should cut out fat from my sandwich by removing the avocado but keeping the ranch. 

WW points: 18

Calories: 670-690

Now: I realize the value of avocado and the benefit of having good fats in your diet. Now if I make an egg sandwich it consists of a bagel thin or a tortilla, with a wedge of Laughing Cow cheese spread, egg whites, and slices of avocado.
WW points: 7
Calories: 275

However, most of the time when I am eating eggs I do not make a sandwich. I usually eat egg white, with a wedge of Laughing Cow cheese and slices of avocado.
WW points: 4
Calories: 145

Coffee Drinks: 

Then: A grande pumpkin spice latte or white chocolate mocha made with skim milk and no whip from Starbucks. I was at least smart enough to know to get skim milk and no whip!

WW points: 7 or 10

Calories: 260 or 350

With whip and 2% milk. 

WW points: 10 or 13 

Calories: 380 or 470

Now: A grande skinny vanilla or caramel latte from Starbucks
WW points: 3
Calories: 120


Doing this post was absolutely shocking. I bet that I was easily consuming 2,500 calories in a day. Yikes!! As you can see, my eating has definitely shaped up. I have cut down on my carbs, I have started monitoring and measuring out portion sizes, and I have eliminated ranch dressing from my life.  Ranch used to be a fairly regular part of my diet but we had to break up. I still love ranch dressing with my whole heart, but I have realized that my relationship with ranch was very unhealthy. Another thing that I had to break up with but I am still in love with; coffee drinks. I love a white chocolate mocha or a pumpkin spice latte or a salted caramel mocha. However when I only have 30 points in a day, I cannot justify using 10 of them on a coffee. Alas, sugary coffee drinks have been eliminated.

As sad as I am about not consuming ranch, pizza, and sugar love in a cup, I am so much happier at the thought of the number on the scale going down!

How I Got To Be This Size

I am about 1 week away from my one year anniversary. One year of dieting, exercising, and losing weight. And because I have been conducting this sort of lifestyle for the last year, I thought it would be appropriate to dedicate my next several posts to reflecting upon the last year and what I have learned about dieting, about exercise and about myself. For this post I thought I would reflect on my life before the aha moment occurred. With every major weight loss story, there is also a weight gain story. So after a year of reflecting on why I spent at least a decade struggling with my weight, I have decided to share some insight into my weight gain.

I have struggled with my weight for most of my life. I have always loved junk food, and hated exercise. I am naturally lazy and drawn to fatty foods. As a kid I could never wear a two piece bathing suit, or borrow friends clothes. Believe me, I was a chubster. I used to sneak extra pieces of candy and avoid family walks. Pathetic, right? My mom did the best that she could, but I spent weekends with my dad and afternoons with my grandma, and neither of them worried about my eating. They loved me no matter my size. My grandma expressed her love by giving me food. My favorite after school snack that she made was tortilla chips smothered in melted cheese.

At 13 years old I was worried about being fat. I wanted to look like Avril Lavigne, or Hilary Duff. I wanted to be as skinny as the girls that I was watching on the Disney Channel. So in order to lose weight I decided to give up sugar and become more active. I lost some weight, but of course gained it all back the minute I started eating sugar again. And so I spent the next 5 years being lazy and overweight. Like most teenage girls, I thought I could starve myself, but after one day of not eating breakfast I realized that I was not anorexic. This is what I looked like when I graduated high school in May, 2007: helloooo double chin!

This was when I started college in September, 2007: 

Shortly after this photo was taken I joined a gym as an attempt to lose weight and tone up. I wanted a new beginning. During this time I didn't really change my eating, nor did I monitor my eating, yet I was still able to lose 20 pounds in about 4 months. I think the fact that I wasn't consuming alcohol may have helped the weight come off. After losing the 20 pounds, this was what I looked like on January 1st, 2008 (freshmen in college). Notice that the double chin is gone, and I have quite the sexy jawline forming.

Once summer came along, I moved home and took a job as a nanny.  I figured this would keep me active enough to keep the weight off. Boy, was I wrong. As a nanny I may have been active, but instead of planning meals around my own cravings, I was now planning meals according to the kid's cravings. I shifted from eating a veggie sandwich for lunch, to eating mac and cheese with tater tots. The family that I was caring for did not believe in left overs, so to avoid waste I usually ended up finishing off what was left. I also began eating more frequently, having to plan twice a day snack times. As I am sure you can guess I gained weight over the summer. I didn't gain all 20 pounds back but at the end of summer my shorts were definitely having some trouble staying buttoned.

When I went back to school that fall, I did not hit up the gym again, nor did I change my new eating habits. I kept on traveling down the road of junk food and large portions. Slowly over time I stopped caring about anything that I put into my mouth. And slowly over time I started packing on the pounds. This picture is January 1st, 2009 (sophomore in college), just a year later. The double chin is creeping back, and I definitely lost that sexy jawline.

As a college student, I knew that my eating habits were not the best, but I was eating and drinking at the same rate as my peers. The only problem was that I was gaining weight at triple the speed that any of them were. I always felt alone. I never had someone in my life that struggled as much as I did. My friends could eat a whole frozen pizza, why couldn't I? Why was I the fat one in the group? I think my roommate loved (and still loves) food more than I did, but somehow she weighed at least 80 pounds lighter than me. It just didn't seem fair.

 

 

 Left: Fall 2009 (junior in college).


 Right: December 24, 2009.












All throughout college I kept shoveling unhealthy foods into my mouth. In my senior year of college I would regularly consume a bag of chips, bagels, mac and cheese, frozen pizzas, and probably the most detrimental thing of all, alcohol. I had just turned 21 and I took full advantage of my legal drinking rights. And at that point in my life I was drinking vodka drinks with sprite and grenadine. Or gin with cranberry juice. Talk about sugar rush in a glass. Here are some photos of me in my senior year, spring 2011. Ignore the mustache, I have shaved it off since this picture!

I was big and getting bigger. I am sure that I was gaining weight with every passing week. Yet, I still did not have an aha moment, even when I looked at these photos. I convinced myself that it was just a bad angle. That my dress was ruffled the wrong way, or that I was tilting my head in a way that made me face look large. I was in denial, so I kept eating. I was sad about being the fat friend, so I binged. No one around me was dieting, so I didn't either. However I don't think that I really knew how big that I was getting. I stopped wearing jeans in my sophomore year. I started wearing dresses and leggings. So to this day, I don't know what my largest pant size was, but if I had to guess I would say a 20 or 22.

After I graduated college I got a new job (the same job that I have today) and my eating got even worse. I know what you must be thinking: "her eating could really get worse than chips, pizza and mac and cheese?" Oh yes, it could. On top of those unhealthy foods that I was woofing down, I added office treats. You know those treats that I complain about in this post and this post? Yep, I was eating those, which explains the vendetta that I have against them now. Eating a cookie became a normal part of my day. And the dinners that I made were large, and rarely included a vegetable. So after 2 months of eating poorly, and being very inactive, I finally had my aha moment. I saw a picture that changed my entire life. This has to be more than a double chin, possibly even the start of a triple chin? Gross.

I did not recognize this girl. To this day, I don't know who she is. I never saw myself as being that big. Either the mirror had been lying to me or I was in such denial that I was completely delusional. So after spending my college years whining over being fat, I decided to change. I stopped making excuses. Those pictures were not just bad angles, my dress was not ruffled wrong and my head wasn't titled poorly. I was fat. So I finally listened to the skinny girl that was trapped inside of me. I decided to work hard, to change, and to live a healthy lifestyle. And even though I still throw myself a pitty party from time to time, I now know how strong I am. And how much I am capable of. I have fought to be where I am today, and I am proud of the body that I have worked for.

And here is a current photo of me. Not a full body shot, but you can still see that I have smaller arms, no double chin and I am extremely happy. 

Okay, so maybe I lied, I grew my mustache back! 

Sad Life

In another post I have discussed the fact that my office is not exactly a diet friendly place. At least once a week there are sugary treats sprawled out by the coffee pots, which happen to be about 10 feet from my desk. Normally I have a good amount of willpower but I have been struggling for the last couple of weeks. I have more slip-ups than I once did and my weight is definitely reflecting those slip ups, as I have not lost a pound in over 2 months. UGH!

This morning on my way into work I walked past a market that was baking cookies and the aroma of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies got me really sad. I wanted a cookie. I wanted to be able to carelessly shove a warm chocolate chip cookie into my mouth and not feel guilty after eating it. But sadly, that is not my life. I have to worry about every single thing that I put into my mouth. So after being sad about my inability to eat cookies, of course today is the day that an extravagant amount of treats are set out in the office. And my willpower is put to the test.

BEHOLD: 

Needless to say, I am not a happy camper. It is taking all of my energy to not shove about 15 cookies into my mouth and wash them down with a doughnut. But instead, I will practice willpower. I will sit at my desk and pretend that cookies taste like sand. Delicious mounds of sand. Instead, while everyone else is eating donuts, I will be eating my breakfast; a bagel thin with fat free butter spray, cinnamon, a small amount of cream cheese, and a banana.

And you may be wondering why I only put a small dab of cream cheese on one half of a bagel thin, and not the whole thing. Well, that is 2 points worth of cream cheese and I am desperately trying to get my weight moving again (preferably moving down and not up). I didn't want to chance it and cover my whole bagel thin with 8 points worth of cream cheese. I am living the dream, I tell ya. 

Confessions of a Fat Girl

I have been overweight for most of my life. I wasn't an obese child, but I was not slender either. I have been on a 'diet' since the age of 5. I have always had to drink skim milk, avoid fast food, and worry about the size of my belly. I was eating Snack Well's cookies before they were trendy. So you can imagine my frustration when it comes to those people who are naturally thin. Especially when they are naturally thin, eat poorly, don't work out and then judge people who are obese. You are going to sit on your ass, eating candy bars, ice cream, and twinkies and then judge me? Judge the person who is monitoring caloric intake and slaving away at the gym. Have you even seen the inside of a gym? Can you even imagine what it's like to carry around 100 extra pounds? Or even 50 extra pounds?

Now I am not trying to deflect and say that I had no fault in my weight problem. Nor do I despise every single naturally thin person. Slender people who hit the gym at least know what it's like to work hard. And if you are thin but don't judge fat people, I still hate you, but it's an envious sort of hate. I just hope you know how lucky you are.

In any case, I still thought it might be interesting to give a little bit of insight into what it's like to be overweight.

1) Doing squats are harder than you can imagine. Even when using just my body weight and nothing else I have times when I wonder if I am actually going to rise back up or if my knees are going to give out and I will just collapse on the ground.

2) Chub rub. I have rather slender legs in comparison to the rest of my body but if I am wearing a dress on a hot day and have to walk a long distance, the inside of my legs will get a rash from rubbing together, that will eventually turn into scabs. Sounds pleasant, right?

3) When imagining my type of guy, I never imagined a fit, toned or muscular guy. Since I didn't work out, I felt shameful even admitting that muscles were attractive. Now, I want a man who has some muscles!

4) Anytime I order food at a restaurant I always assume that people are judging me. "Should that fat girl really be ordering a plate of french fries? No one wonder she is obese."

5) I always dreamed of becoming skinny but I never actually thought that I would lose weight. I just imagined my life as a fat girl. Not anymore!

6) Anything that involves wearing a swim suit in public is absolutely terrifying.

7) When sitting down in a booth, I worry that I won't fit. Or that the seat will be so close to the table that my boobs will just be resting on top of the table. Great image, huh?

8) Saying no to cake is hard.Watching a skinny girl eat a massive slice of cake is even harder. Listening to the skinny girl complain about being fat while consuming the cake causes me rage.

9) Even now that I have become a beast at the gym (and lost 48 pounds), I still get self-conscious to tell people that I work out because I am bound to get a look of doubt from someone because I am still not completely skinny.

10) I never realized how fat I actually was. Seeing myself in a mirror and in a picture are completely different.

11) I may joke about being fat, but hearing someone else call me fat is absolutely heart breaking.But being called fat for years is what got me to change my life around, and for that, I am grateful.

12) For my whole entire life I have been eating the same foods and amount of food that all of my friends have. But somehow I got fat, and they didn't.

Support=Success

Over the summer I watched a great deal of the show "Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition." And to say that I am obsessed is an understatement. I love watching people who are able to fight their demons, and push themselves past their limits because it gives me such inspiration to keep going on my journey. I end up sitting in front of the TV crying because I am so touched by each and every weight loss story. Seriously. Don't judge me, we all have our moments of emotional weakness. Mine just happens to be over a reality show. Okay, maybe you can judge me a little.

Through watching this show and trying to connect it to my own weight loss experience, I have noticed a major theme that contributes to the success or failure of weight loss, and that's support from friends or family. A person can be very motivated to change their unhealthy eating habits, but most of the time an individual is only as strong as their environment. If their spouse, roommate or other family members are still indulging in unhealthy behaviors, the individual trying to lose weight will be more likely to fall back into bad eating/exercising patterns.

In order to lose weight you need to change your current lifestyle. To see results you can't keep eating what you are currently, you have to become more active and you have to really want to change. I have spent my lifetime thinking that I would just one day wake up and be skinny. If obsessing over becoming skinny was actually the way to lose weight, I would be a size 0 by now. But the difference between obsessing 5 years ago and obsessing today is that today, I actually want change and I am actually doing something to change my situation. Now the closest thing to waking up and already being skinny, is waking up and actually wanting to change your life, which of course is what I refer to as the aha moment. Once you have experienced that aha moment, it's time to actually change your behavior and start kicking some ass.

Adopting a healthier lifestyle is completely up to you and you alone, however, having support makes the journey sooooo much easier. I have been on this path to weight loss for the last 11 months and I have found support in places that I never thought I would and I have learned that support can show itself in many ways. For me, the best kind of support has been from the people who encourage me to go to the gym. I have an awesome work out partner who will cart my ass to the gym, and attend the class with me or be willing to try a crazy new class. We don't go together every time, but just having company a few times a week is wonderful and it keeps me honest and motivated.

This type of support can also come in the form of people not discouraging me from attending the gym. Whenever my mom is in town visiting, she knows that going to the gym is part of my routine and she never suggests that I skip it. Normally I would be inclined to skip the gym and hang out with her, but knowing that she wants me to go the gym makes it so much easier to go, get it over with and then hang out. Similarly, at work, if someone asks to go out for a happy hour, the people that I feel the most support from are the ones that accept my absence and don't give me a hard time about going to the gym instead.

The people that I do not feel support from are the people who can't quite relate to being overweight or can't relate to having will power.  My grandma is a very sweet lady, she is kind, generous and loving. The problem with this is that she tends to show her love through food. Ever since I was a young girl, she has been showering me with candy, chips, and desserts. Now that I have grown up, started exercising, and cut out all of the junk food, my grandma expresses how proud she is of me. In one sentence she tells me how proud she is, and the next sentence she is trying to shove cupcakes down my throat. Her justification is that "Oh, you can have just a little bit." This is not support. I did not lose weight by cheating.

The problem with this thinking is that "just a little bit" turns into a lot of little bits, and eventually you stop losing any weight, and possibly even gain weight. Saying that you support someone and actually giving support are two very different things. So in speaking from experience, here are some ways to support someone on their weight loss journey :

1) Never discourage them from going to the gym. Don't ever say: "You can skip the gym tonight, and just go tomorrow."
2) Don't eat someone's favorite food in front of them and say: "Just this once, you can have a little."
3) Don't keep bad food in tempting places. 
4) If they are having a bad day, don't bring them a pastry or some other sort of treat filled with lard. This just encourages emotional eating.
5) Go to the gym with them! Most gyms allow people to bring a guest.
6) Go for a walk, or a run with them. Encourage activity. If your friend is trying to lose weight, instead of catching up over dinner and drinks, suggest going shopping or to a farmers market!
7) If you are also dieting and exercising and want to have a slip-up day, don't bring anyone else down with you!

And if for some reason I am not being clear enough and you are confused on how to support someone, I want this to be the one piece of advice that you take away. 

8) If someone looks thinner or like they have lost weight, TELL THEM!! The best compliment and  the best motivation is when someone asks me if I have lost weight. I get giddy and I am less likely to have a slip up that day.

Will I Be Dieting Forever?

My journey to my perfect weight has been a very turbulent and sometimes a very frustrating ride. Since joining Weight Watchers in April, my weight has consistently been dropping. Stepping onto the scale was exciting because I knew that I was only going to be dropping in weight. And then the month of August hit. This month has not been very kind to me, or rather I have not been kind to myself in the month of August. I started the month weighing the exact same thing that I do today. In fact, in mid-July I weighed less than I do now. When summer started I thought that I would finally hit the 50 pound weight loss mark by my birthday (September 4th). However, I am currently at 44 pounds gone, so unless I starve myself and take laxatives for the next 4 days, I don't see the 50 pound weight loss goal happening. Although, I have to stop and remember that 44 pounds lost is still pretty awesome.

So now is the time when I need to reflect on the past month and figure out why my weight is standing still. My exercise routine has not changed at all, so I know that this weight plateau is 100% to blame on the mounds of unhealthy foods that I have been shoveling into my pie hole. I have been so so so bad about tracking my WW points.  The minute I stopped tracking what I was consuming, I stopped thinking about what I was eating. I am guessing that this all started the first weekend in August when I went on a camping trip. I tried my hardest to eat healthily while camping but of course I indulged in a s'more. Or five. And the minute I allowed myself to stray away from my diet, I went on an all out binge. Okay, that's not true, but for the month of August I really allowed myself to eat more liberally than I had been in recent months.

I went out to eat a lot more than I did before. And instead of getting a veggie burger with a side salad, I found myself ordering a side of sweet potato fries. For the past few months I have avoided work parties and any sort of treats that were hanging around our office, but for some reason this month I had no self control. I am usually good at saying no to parties, but this month I went to every last work event. And because I attended all of these parties, I indulged in desserts, which is odd because I don't usually have a strong sweet teeth. But the minute I have one sweet thing, I want any sort of sweet that I can get my hands on. Lastly, I consumed A TON of pizza. Well, I had 3 different times this month that I indulged on pizza, which may not seem like a ton, but before the month of August I had not had pizza in months. But come on, I was in Chicago, I had to try the deep dish. And let it be stated that I am damn lucky that I don't live in Chicago, because I would be eating deep dish weekly daily!

In the last week I have desperately been trying to change my behavior and get back to my strong willed ways, but man, is it tough. This month was rough because I went camping, I spent a weekend at the lake, and a weekend in Chicago. So I really strayed away from my everyday life and routine.  Even though I haven't lost any weight this month, I have thoroughly enjoyed the past 4 weeks, and I have loved every bit of food that I have consumed. Which sucks! I mean, I am glad to know that I can maintain a steady weight, but I am still not happy with the weight that I am at, and I would like to lose more. So I am currently feeling aggravated at the thought of having to diet forever. Okay, forever is a little dramatic, but I will definitely have to keep restricting myself for like another year. Ugh! But once that year is up, you better believe that I will be in Chicago, eating deep dish, loving my new and improved body!

Getting Back to my Cheese Lovin' Roots!

One of the main reasons that I cannot make the switch from vegetarian to vegan is because I can't imagine a life without cheese. Unfortunately I am one of those people who has an obsession with cheese. I feel as though loving cheese is a curse and a blessing, because as I am indulging in a gourmet chunk of cheese, I am simultaneously feeling joy and guilt. I couldn't even tell you what my favorite kind of cheese is, because I love so many kinds of cheese. I could probably devour a whole block of cheese, if I allowed myself to do so. Oh, who am I kidding, I could probably polish off 3 blocks of cheese and still want more. Luckily the grocery stores in my neighborhood offer small sample sizes, so I only spend about $2.00 and am not tempted by a huge block of cheese sitting in my refrigerator.

The bad part is that I have recently been influenced by a fellow cheese lover to browse the expensive cheese section at Whole Foods. And now, I am even more obsessed with cheese than I was before. Let this serve as a warning to those of you who equally cannot say no to cheese; stay away from the gourmet cheese section. I mean it. Especially at Whole Foods, they provide you with samples just to lure you in, those sneaky bastards!

So now after I have gushed about my obsession with cheese, my next confession may come as a surprise. I don't usually put cheese in or on what I am eating. If I am making a salad, I don't add cheese. On my Chipotle burrito bowl, I don't add cheese. On most of my veggie burgers, I don't add cheese. I think you get the picture. Anyway, I rarely add cheese to things because I usually can't taste it or don't notice it. With a burrito bowl, there are so many other flavors that I don't even notice the cheese, so why bother adding the extra calories?

It's not that I don't put cheese on anything, but before adding cheese to something I make sure that the cheese will enhance the flavor of the dish. If I am making scrambled eggs, I will add cheese, but if I am putting salsa on top of my eggs, I will not add cheese, because the salsa is such a strong flavor. In most cases, I would rather just eat a slice of cheese plain and fully enjoy the flavor. Plus by enjoying a slice of cheese it serves as a snack, rather than extra points in a meal. So far, eating small slices of cheese satisfies my cravings, but also allows me to still lose weight.

When I was thinking about writing this post, I had an aha moment; I had this outlook even before I was conscience of dieting. When I was a kid, I used to order a cheese burger with the cheese on the side, because I just wanted to eat the cheese plain. So now, 18 years later, I still enjoy eating cheese all by itself. No crackers, no bread, no pastas. Just plain cheese. And now that I have gotten back to my cheese lovin' roots, I am going to continue to exclusively indulge in small servings of cheese, savoring every single slice!

Quick, Easy, Fast. . .

. . .rapid, simple, effortless. These are words that should not be used to describe weight loss. Yet, the last time that I was trying to chose a magazine, these are the exact words that were used to advertise diet and exercise.

"Simple new foods to get rapid weight loss results!"

"Quick 10 minute workouts to see the results you want."

"The simple way to lose 10 pounds in two weeks!"

"Easy exercise tips to get six pack abs."

The only way that getting a six pack would be considered easy was if you were to use this little contraption.

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Being that everyone and their brother are trying to lose weight, it only makes sense that retailers are trying to cash in on this growing fitness industry. And since we tend to be obsessed with instant gratification, it's no surprise that weight loss is advertised as quick and painless. But whether an individual is trying to lose 200 pounds, or that last 5 pounds, weight loss should never be disguised as easy. If it were easy, quick or fast, we would not have such a high rising obesity rate.

Losing weight the proper way is not easy or fast. It's very, very hard and frustrating, and discouraging. And if you have a good amount of weight to lose, there will come a time when you will want to give up because you won't feel like anything is working. When you have reached a point of desperation, you are willing to believe anything. And against your better judgement, you find yourself thinking that using the shake weight for 6 minutes is going to work. Exercise is not meant meant to be quick. A real workout should never be 10 minutes or less. It's called a workout for a reason. You have to put the hard work in to get the hot body that you desire. I have learned to embrace fitness and hard work, but when I started I had no idea just how hard I would have to work.

In the beginning, I had visions of my weight just pouring off. I thought I would be losing at least 5 pounds a week, if not more. I blame this vision solely on society and the false advertising that is done for weight loss. Luckily there was a voice inside telling me to keep working hard but I think a common reason for weight loss failure is unrealistic expectations when it comes to beginning a diet and exercise routine. If you set out thinking that something is going to be easy, and then find out that it's not so easy, chances are you are going to fail and eventually quit.
 

Workout equipment like this provides unrealistic expectations of real exercise.

Spending only 6 minutes a day working out is not going to get you buff.

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And when is the last time you heard someone say, "oh yeah, I actually lost 50 pounds by using the shake weight for 6 minutes a day!"

Now don't get me wrong, I am sure the shake weight could provide some great benefits when added into a daily workout regimen, coupled with a healthy diet. However, the advertising leads us to believe that 6 minutes of simply holding a moving object is all it's going to take to get big, bulging muscles. This ad makes it look like the girl and guy both only used it for 6 minutes a day, yet by some miracle he was able to get muscles triple her size. It's magic really.

Equally there are many crash diets on the market that I think purposefully set people up for failure. The more that people crash diet, the more money they are going to spend on products like the shake weight and the ab lounger. It's a vicious cycle.

"Conduct this 7 day cleanse, and you will lose 10 pounds." 

"Use this relaxing body wrap and watch the inches melt off of your waist!"

A diet in which you have to cleanse starve your body for a week is not going to provide you with real, sustainable results. You are not going to maintain that 10 pound weight loss. You have simply deprived your body and lost some water weight. This is a quick fix; a temporary solution. Participating in a cleanse for 4 nonconsecutive weeks is not going to result in a total of 40 pounds gone. Similarly, taking an all natural diet supplement is not going to cause you to drop 30 pounds if you are still stuffing your face with a Big Mac, and considering adjusting yourself on the couch to be exercise.

Though some diet supplements may aid in weight loss, they usually only work when added to an already healthy diet, and exercise. When my weight loss plateaued, I had considered taking a diet supplement, but I stopped and asked myself, "do I want to take this supplement for the rest of my life?" My answer was no. So now I ask myself this very question every time I consider buying a supplement. And if my answer is no, which it usually is, then I typically won't start taking that specific supplement. I believe that if you are going to maintain weight loss, you need to find a diet that you will be able to sustain for the rest of your life. I have heard that maintaining weight loss can sometimes be harder than actually losing it. So why not start with the hard stuff, make it a lifestyle and then live that way forever?

So when you find yourself debating buying that trendy piece of workout equipment or participating in a fad diet, ask yourself "am I going to be able to keep this up forever?" "Is this an actual lifestyle change or just a quick fix?" Weight loss and a healthy lifestyle should never be a fad or a trend. And if you find yourself overwhelmed at the thought of never getting to eat a large bowl of ice cream ever again, ask yourself "can I do it just for today?" Because chances are you can. You are stronger than you think. And then 'just for today' quickly becomes a month, which quickly becomes 6 months, and before you know it, you no longer feel chained to ice cream or junk food in general. 

You are strong. And you can do this. 

Break your weight loss journey into more manageable chunks. If you love bread, brownies and french fries (I am guilty of this), you don't need to stop eating all of them at once. But you also don't need to have all of them in the same week. Moderation is good. Crash dieting is bad. 

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Note to Self: Kale Doesn't Blend Well

Do not put kale into a protein shake. I repeat, do NOT put kale into a blended protein shake! This may sound like common sense to those of you who are not adventurous in your eating. However, last night I thought this sounded like a great idea. I have previously blended spinach into a protein shake, and it turned out just fine. Other than the green tint, I couldn't even tell that there was spinach in my yummy chocolate protein shake. So last night, when making my protein shake I thought kale would blend up just as nicely. Wrong. I was so horribly and utterly wrong.

Because kale is a little more structured and rigid than spinach, I ended up with a cup full of what I am calling 'kale flecks.' After taking my first sip, I felt as though someone had put a handful grass clippings into my cup. It tasted just fine, but the texture was all wrong. With every sip I had a mouth full of hard kale flecks. Gross. But since I am not a quitter or a waster, I pressed on and drank the entire cup. Half way through I started washing down every sip of the concoction with a large gulp of water. This helped, but by no means did I get used to the texture. Never again will I be foolish enough to add kale to a blended drink. Never. Again.

Drunk Snacking and Hungover Binging!

A couple of weeks ago I posted about drinking alcohol while on a diet, but another factor that doesn't bode well for my diet is the food that I consume while under the influence. Unfortunately for me, a weekend of bar hopping and drink mixing usually means a late night drunken feast. Most of the time my drunken snacking doesn't even include foods that I would normally eat. I once bought a doughnut, ate half and then realized that I don't even like doughnuts! Who does that? Me, apparently. And it usually doesn't stop there. The next morning, if I wake up with a hangover, I always want a large amount of fatty foods. I almost always want a burrito, a heaping plate of greasy hash browns, or ice cream. Just like drinking on a diet, I have been able to find some healthy loopholes to drunk eating but, by no means do I believe that alcohol is a healthy substance.

So here are some tips that I currently use and so far have proven to be effective to help with drunk eating and hungover binging:

1) Budget your points/calories on preplanned drinking days.  On days when I am planning to go out for a happy hour or night filled with drinks, I will try to budget my Weight Watcher points accordingly. With WW a typical cocktail or beer is an average of 5 points. So knowing that I am not going to just have 1 beer and that I will probably be eating when I get home, I will try to eat meals throughout the day that have a low point value, leaving more points for me to consume later in the day. Now does this mean that I am starving myself throughout the day? No, starving myself before going out drinking would typically make me a light weight and would result in me hugging the toilet at the end of the night. Although throwing up might not be all bad, I would rid myself of all the crap that I consumed. 

2) Plan snacks ahead of time. I have started putting out snacks before I head out to the bar. I will chose things like an apple, pretzels, strawberries or carrots and peanut butter. This way when I get home from the bar, I will tend to eat the snacks that are already on the counter, rather than digging through the pantry for tortillas and cheese to make a quesadilla. And lowered inhibitions coupled with a hot stove is probably not the brightest idea anyway.

3) Substitute health food for junk food. As I mentioned, if I wake up with a hangover, 9 times out of 10, I will want a burrito from Chipotle. And eating Chipotle is an idea that I have started to embrace and actually don't feel guilty about eating. This could be due to the fact that I have managed to make my burrito bowl much lower in points. 6 months ago when I went to Chipotle, I was ordering a burrito that was a whopping 27 points (I am only allowed 34 for the day) but now I have managed to get my burrito bowl down to 12 points by cutting out the tortilla, rice, cheese and only getting a small drizzle of sour cream. This may sound like a boring burrito bowl but you just have to suck it up, no one said dieting was easy. You have to learn to love the healthier options.

Another health food swap that I have started doing is making hash browns at home. I used to suggest going out for breakfast and I would get a heaping pile of greasy hash browns. But now when I am craving hash browns, I use non fat cooking spray, and add a ton of vegetables to bulk up my plate. And on those mornings that I am craving ice cream I try to opt for frozen blended bananas or frozen yogurt. Yum! I have a new found addiction with frozen yogurt.

4) Alter your cravings. Since adopting a healthier lifestyle, I have started to enjoy and crave vegetables. This could be because with WW, vegetables are zero points, so when I was hungry I forced myself to eat them and now I have tricked myself into thinking that I like them. And when you eat something enough, you oddly start to crave it. Or at least I do. This happened with kale. I tend to crave savory over sweet, so making kale chips is a good way to satisfy my cravings. Because I eat kale so frequently I have now begun to crave kale when I am hungover. I never thought that I would be putting the words 'kale' and 'crave' into a sentence, man how times have changed.

5) Make a smart decision before you go out. Now I am well aware that once you start drinking it's not always easy to make smart choices. Been there, done that. However, I find that before I go out, if I remind myself that I don't want to drink a lot, I find that I am less likely to go over board and consume 10 cocktails. . . in an hour. Don't worry mom, this has never actually happened. Or at least not that I remember. Same goes for drunk eating, if I tell myself prior to going out that I do not want to make a drunken stop at Super America, chances are I will be strong and say no to the peer pressure of buying chips and an egg salad sandwich at the gas station. Yes, these are actual purchases that I have made while under the influence. I am a model of health, I tell ya.

So now that I have written all about drunk eating while on a diet, excuse me while I head off to a happy hour with co-workers! Wish me luck!